Cultivating Calm is a research study of trauma-informed yoga, delivered online. You are invited to try out this slow and gentle practice in the comfort of your own home.
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Tonight I’m really sad because I hate my looks and I miss my sister.
I might actually start to think about self harm I dont think i can take is anymore i fell in love she rejected me out of need i started to talk to other girls and they didnt talk to me that much i even wanted to ask a gurl out i told her friend and she told me she is into another guy i also showed some weird acts which destroyed my face for everyone in the class
More than a year ago my mother died. I (m24) was the only person living with her and found her body, but unfortunately it was too late. I have been showing signs of deppresion even before that event, but it made my mental state way worse. Got diagnosed soon after. Tried to fight through it, but eventually I gave up meds and other forms of treatment. It seemed pointless. Tried to sort it out myself and I managed to find a job, but it made it even worse. The job feels extremely stressful for me (customer service), but resignation would seem like an absolute failure for me. I am trying to work on my master's degree too, so I feel extremely overwhelmed. It made me neglect my health. One of the problems that recently popped up probably because of stress and no activity is hemorrhoids. It was kind of painful, so I managed to get out od bed and go to the pharmacy. I told the pharmacist that I need the cream, but ten she asked "oh, who is it for?". It seemed embarassing to say that a young male needs a hemorrhoid cream, so I lied. I said it is for my mother. And it made me lose it. I stumbled upon my words and humiliated myself even more. When I left the pharmacy all that hidden sadness and despair felt so heavy. It triggered a monstrous wave of intrusive thoughts. HOW did it got do bad? Why are all my efforts meaningless and only make it worse? They told me it gets better, but it doesn't. I really don't know how am I supposed to keep going. I'm already trying my best
I’ve thought about this for quite some time, considered near everything in terms of self reflection, making sure I’m not some ignorant wanna be intellectual who thinks he’s better than everyone. I’ve come to the realization that some people just don’t get it at this age, how could they? I don’t even know what “it” is though. I don’t have one friend I look up to, I see through everybody, everybody is into things I was into 4 years ago, they act the same as I did 4 years ago, they treat others like I treated others 4 years ago etc.
That’s fine, totally fine. Like seriously
What’s not fine is the part of trauma/mental health struggles that come after you’ve found solutions, relief and clarity to them. I feel as if I was put in a time machine and forced to grow up a lot faster than the average person at my age and I miss the naivety I once had, I miss the me where I would just screw someone over or do something stupid impulsive thing without thinking twice as terrible as that sounds
I’m not trying to play victim, I just truly I wish I wasn’t this socially aware or mature
Any advice from people of older age? Thanks
Hi everyone, I hope whoever is reading this is doing fine, just to check.
So first of all, a bit of introduction: I'm a guy in his 20s, I'm a bit shy and introvert, I'm not really the guy that has the social skills to talk to strangers without thinking for days if I made a good impression or if i looked like a creep, I'm insecure about myself. All of this insecurity is mainly caused by a difficult childhood, (I don't like to go in depths, but just to let you know I was bullied harshly) and to put the cherry on top I have a destructive way of seeing myself.
After this introduction, the reason that brought me here is that in my group of friends, I'm the only one that is still a virgin, and this really brought me down these days, because I'm really starting to think that maybe I'm the problem: I've always looked at it like it was gonna happen sooner or later, but now my perception has changed.
I'm not saying like the occasions were there and I didn't catch them, I'm saying that the occasions never were there: I've never had the opportunity to talk to a girl, and obviously I've never had the opportunity to chat with a girl that was into me. The only girls that I ever talked to were the girlfriends of my friends, and obviously the conversations were short and not really pointed to somewhere.
And all of this really took a toll on me, phisically and emotionally, but still I managed to push forward. But now, knowing that I'm the last virgin in my group really punched me in the gut.
I've thought about opening a Tinder account, but I've never had the courage, mainly due to the fear of being always rejected and not accomplishing anything.
So lately I've been really down, and so far nothing seems to work. If anyone has been in my spot, or has some advices, it would be really appreciated.
People on Reddit keep telling me that greek life is a great way to meet people and make friends, yet when I actually tried to join, I just ended up getting hard rejected. I even got rejected from the "nerdy" and progressive fraternities, so it is extremely frustrating in the end. I don't even know what is wrong with me. People at my school say that joining greek life is extremely easy, yet I keep failing whenever I try to go through the process.
So back in April I was referred to a dentist for a tooth root canal. He wanted to pull it but I insisted we try to save it.
This tooth was terrible and the dentist had hundreds of good reviews online. He was a good dentist until he kept trying to push invisalign. He just wouldn't take no for an answer, almost not letting me get out of the chair and I finally had to yell that it's not a good time in my life.
He made me self conscious about some of my crooked teeth and basically explained that my mouth was misaligned and I would be losing alot of teeth soon without invisalign. I said I would have to think about it and he said what's to think about it's a necessary medical procedure.
Cut to today I had a meeting with a new dentist to see if he could fill a small cavity. It bothered me a bit a week ago but was not NEARLY as bad as the earlier tooth. He explained that although it doesn't look bad, the cavity was up in the tooth past the gum line and would need an oral surgeon to extract it then I could come back and they could do a mouth profile on all my teeth which sounded expensive. The receptionist told me to get the extraction before new years so that I would have my full copay to help out.
The thing is i asked about alignment and he said my teeth were fine and any invisalign would be purely cosmetic. If I have this tooth pulled, I would have been told to lose 2 top molars in one year. I'm not even 30 and I brush and floss everyday.
I have setup an appointment with a few other dentists for a second opinion but dont know if it would be rude to explain my situation to them.
It snowed, so I couldn’t go anywhere today in the morning. This was the ONE day my body decided to wake up at 6 AM and be productive. My doctor appointment (follow-up about the SSRI I’m taking) was moved online, which was great because I hate being in doctor’s offices. After I was done with that I chilled for a while. I chatted with a friend and cleaned my desk for a few hours before cooking dinner, which yanked me out of my content state to something I don’t enjoy. Cooking is something I’m terrible at, so it always makes me feel useless. I’ve been sitting in bed for the past half hour and don’t feel like showering, even though I really should.
Hi ladies and gents , I’m in a sad mood because of stuff happening in my life. 1, I found out someone I know died last weekend, and I feel unhappy bout my loveless life.
I had profited $108,000 gambling (yes I know, very lucky) over the snap of 4 years. The last 3 months I’m down $38,000. So still up about $70,000 profit but I feel bad about it.
I feel really bad about losing that much. Even though I’m still up a ton and am very lucky for it I feel sick about wasting $38,000 over a 3 month span. Overall I’m still up $70,000 in profits which is insane but I can’t shake the big losses of late. Please make me feel better while also giving your honest opinion. Thank you.
My 13 year old dog has laryngeal paralysis and is having lots of trouble breathing. Our options are a $5000 surgery possibly in another city that won’t necessarily fix it. So we’ve decided it’s best to put her down. We brought her home so she can be comfortable and someone is coming on Friday.
Obviously I’m devastated, I got her for my 10th birthday and she has been a loyal family member ever since. I can’t stop crying. I’m mostly feeling fear; I’m scared of what it will feel like without her and I’m especially scared of the euthanasia process. I don’t want to see her body. I don’t want to see it happen. But I know it’s best. I’ve never lost a pet before.
Any kind words or things that were helpful to you if you’ve experienced it? Many thanks in advance.
The conventional wisdom is that if you party less and don't socialize as much, you will do better academically. Yet, I am doing worse academically than the partiers in college despite being in majors. It is so shocking that so many mechanical or electrical engineering students at my school have a 3.9+ GPA even though they party and drink every week. It makes me feel so shitty when I have nothing by comparison despite putting exponentially way more work. It is so frustrating
No one loves or likes me, I hate myself, and I’m not happy. My therapist is mean to me, my teachers are awful. My family says they love me, but that’s obviously a lie.
I want to be happy, but I know I don’t deserve it. I want friends or just a partner, but that would be selfish.
I try to be nice to people, but it feels like it always ends up blowing up in my face.
I feel like I’m a bad person because everyone I interact with seems to not like me, so I’m the one who has to be doing something wrong.
I’ve been trying to look up stuff about the “loneliness stuff” and people said things about loving myself, and I came to a conclusion.
It makes sense no one likes me, because I can’t even find one positive quality about myself.
Everything just keeps getting worse, and I feel like killing myself is the only rational option at this point. Why should I keep suffering when things won’t get better?
And I know at the end of the day, I’m just pathetic and complaining for typing this out.
I think the closest I could describe it is some variation of hypomania (not diagnosed or anything) but I have this intense craving for human connection I want to talk to people I want to help people and my mind won’t stop thinking, not in a bad way just in a very noticeable just under the degree of hypomania I’m contemplating going to the pastoral care office of my college just to talk to people but I know that I’ll regret sharing my information so here I am just looking for something to hold my attention. I love every single one of you (not in a weird specific way, just abstractly like ‘I love the human race’). What should I do?
I’ll take any suggestion
Yea. Instead of games just watch YouTube. Plus fapping too. Well rip. This my life. I wish there’s someone to save me. There isn’t. I’ve embraced it now smh. Idk what other uni kids do. Prob friends and shit. I remembered when I had friends. Hmm, good times good times. Not depressed, just having a mild negative mood. I don’t work out anymore. And ima short fat dude. Not really fat but visible when I take off my jacket. There’s go any potential dating possibilities. Rip. Yea FML. Every time I randomly yell out I hate myself when I’m alone. Am one step from going insane. If people want to know me better, I don’t think they’ll like me or love me. Last night , I cried trying to sleep felt nauseated. This happens once or twice every week. I just miss sleeping normally. I see people out there all happy having S/Os and friends and shit. Im just the weird looking overgrown hair fat looking ass emo jacket wearing 19 year old kid. People must think I’m ugly and weird and shit. I don’t blame them. I embraced and accepted for being ugly and shit. Also, failing student. No surprise there. Accepted I was stupid. Embrace that I’m a failure to my parents. Yea they prob hate who I’ve become. I just wished things were just better. I always imagine past scenarios of what if I did that or this. That could’ve turn my life around. Well fuck me and my imagination . That’s what I do when I’m alone. Imagine. I’d jump on my bed and the floor imagine having friends, wrestling, fighting in war. Like a kid. Yea ik im weird, creepy, and prob don’t deserve friends. Whatever. This paragraph is too long so imma just ended it here.
These last six months have really been hell… My girlfriend for over 2 years and I split up because I didn’t see a future so I figured I should move on. During that time I didn’t love myself and that was also affecting my mental health. I just wanted to focus on myself and fix all of the things that I hate. When we broke up I believed that I would change my life around to a happier life, but oh was I wrong. These last six months have been the loneliest, most depressing months of my life. Tried going to dating apps and meeting girls in person but it has just been nothing but disappointment. My friends don’t care enough to hear my problems and even if they did I wouldn’t let myself tell them. Besides being lonely I am on academic suspension for failing out of my college. I am depressed, lonely, and just looking for attention
Buckle up, folks, you’re in for the long haul.
TL;DR: Wife and I had certain standards for a long time but changed them recently. New guy moved to town. I lose a friend and I feel like I’m losing my wife.
Listen, I love my wife, and what you’re going to read below (the background info) you’re gonna be like “dude… no” but we’ve worked through a LOT and I want to stay married to her. And, really, I’m only telling you the relevant bad things here. There are many, many good things about our marriage and about my wife. So, you’re only getting the bad stuff, things look worse than maybe they are. IDK.
Some relevant background information (this is going to go for several paragraphs, hang in there), my wife (Cari) and I met 20 years ago in a very conservative Christian church, married 15 years ago. I mean, we’re talking like bat-shit crazy levels of conservative here (guys and girls shouldn’t be in a room alone together. Guys shouldn’t be friends with girls who aren’t their wife. Girls shouldn’t be friends with guys who aren’t their husband. Only exception to that is if you’re hanging out with groups of friends. In no way, shape, or form should a guy and girl be alone together. And I know you’re all wondering, yes, we did figure out that’s not healthy, but I’m not there yet. Much of the background information below all takes place in that mindset.)
I think some part of both of our subconsciousness realized that wasn’t quite right. We got started dating and I quickly grew apart from all the women I called friends. My wife, Cari, seemed ok with this. She also had some guy friends that she held on to, and I didn’t say that she couldn’t, so she did. (Keep in mind extreme conservative ideals had been pumped into both of us for years at this point.) It was a little uncomfortable, but I just dealt with it.
Anyway, we moved to another state so I could go to grad school. She talked with one of the guys, James, a bunch on AIM (AIM was still a thing back then) and she always let me know, she wasn’t hiding anything and I never suspected anything.
After grad school we move back to our hometown so I can get a job there. A few months into it she’s crying in bed, wondering if I’m cheating on her (please don’t say this is projection, I’m sure she wasn’t cheating). I ask her what’s up and she can’t find my dirty pants. Stupid me, I just sort of shrug it off, say I’m not cheating, and go back to bed (because I wasn’t cheating, I wasn’t worried about it). The next morning, I found my dirty pants in the hamper, right where they should be. I told her where they were. That was the end of it, or so I thought.
The accusations of cheating continued. For months. You can imagine the kind of strain that puts on a relationship. My next actions are my own and I take full responsibility. At some point, a few months into this constant barrage of cheating accusations, I got on FB and looked up a girl I knew that I thought was cute. Repeatedly. I was on her page a lot, just looking. Didn’t talk with her, didn’t message her, didn’t friend her, just looked. Cari got on my phone one day (this was a regular occurrence; she was on my phone at least twice a month) and found out what I was doing. Cari didn’t like that. We talked about it. I said I wouldn’t do it any more, I’d rather be with her. This is the closest I’ve ever come to cheating. I realize in some relationships this is fine, I realize in some it’s not, and my wife thought it was cheating so, fine, it was cheating. We talked about it. I stopped doing it. That was the end of it, or so I thought.
Actually, remember how guys and girls weren’t supposed to talk to each other? Part of my job is talking with women (shocking!), and she didn’t like that, and thought I was cheating on her. Part of my job is being alone with women in my office, she didn’t like that, and thought I was cheating on her. Over the course of years it got to the point where if I even acknowledged the existence of another woman she would give me a 30 minute interrogation as to whether or not I was cheating on her with whatever woman I just brought up.
Anyway, this continued. Cheating accusations about once a month for several years. Down to once every 4-8 months for the next 5 or 6 years, down to about once a year for a couple years after that. Yeah. That sucked. And it definitely formed some behaviors of mine (you’ll see below, at the end, just as an FYI).
Maybe 5 years ago we made a mutual friend Sara and we both text and chat with her. My wife was very clear that she didn’t want me close to Sara, she wanted me to be “very careful” with her, and that she doesn’t want me sharing any marriage problems with Sara. Fine. I won’t. But our friendship grew, and I would say that me and Sara were about a 5ish on the closeness scale, but we also had a very meme-based friendship that wasn’t super deep 90% of the time. If I asked Sara about her personal life she would just chat and chat and we’d talk for a while, but it wasn’t often reciprocated. She asked me some questions about my life, but not a ton. Cari and Sara were definitely better friends than Sara and I were.
Recently, (maybe 6 months before therapy, so, 3 years ago?) an old friend from HS (a woman) contacted me just to catch up and I basically had a panic attack about it because I knew I was going to have to deal with cheating accusations. And I did (both the panic attack and cheating accusations). And things like “I don’t like that you talk every day” (we didn’t, Cari just happened to look at my phone where we had a 4-day talking streak. Maybe 2 or 3 chats a week was normal. We haven’t talked 4 days in a row either before or after that). And things like “you don’t call on the phone do you?” (We didn’t, but I guess she wouldn’t have liked that). And things like “I don’t want you up all night talking to her,” and “I don’t want you talking to her about any of our marriage problems.” I respected both of those wishes. I did not stay up all night, and I did not talk about marriage problems with her.
Other relevant information:
About 4 years ago I decided to join our local gym. I’m getting older. My family has heart problems. I’m overweight. Instead of being happy for me, my wife’s first sentence after I told her I’m joining the gym was: “But what if you go to the gym and some girl falls in love with you?” Now, some more background: I’ve never been a ladies’ man. I don’t have women hanging off me. I don’t have random women coming up to me. I’m comfortable with the fact that I’m a solid 3, maybe a 4 on my good days. I’ve accepted that this is who I am. Anyway, that question was so ridiculous to me because that has literally never happened in my 41 years of life. It’s like asking “what if you stub your toe and find a million dollars on the ground right there?” It's just not going to happen! It’s just not. So I laughed a bit (kinda mean I guess) and said “I guess I’ll just tell her to go away.” But we had that conversation at least 5 more times. She didn’t really like my answer. When I explained that this just isn’t going to happen, she didn’t believe me. She was convinced I was going to find a girl there and that we’d be working out together. Covid hit. I quit going to the gym.
What else…. Oh, I have “man night” where I go out, once a week, to hang out with some guy friends that still go to that church. They’re good guys. We’re life long friends. And that’s it. That’s all I (used to) go out for. Once a week. I would often hear about, from my wife, how lonely she is and that she wishes she could see me more. It’s like, she gets literally every spare second of my time. I go out once a week. She gets the other 6 days!
Ok. We’re to more modern times now, and here’s where things start to go downhill. Remember James? She would occasionally go get coffee with him. Yeah I guess I thought maybe I could do the same. I went to a conference in Georgia and an old friend there (a woman, obviously, or there’s nothing to say here) apparently lived in the same town (I didn’t know that) and she asked if I could go do dinner with her. I asked my wife and she said “nope” so I told my friend “nope” (ok there was a little more explanation but that’s basically what happened) and that was that. It hurt like fuck that I had to say no, but I also wanted to respect my wife’s wishes.
Two weeks after the conference my wife’s friend (James) is in town and she asks if she can go get coffee with him. I basically kind of blow up at her at this point and tell her that I can’t believe she’s even asking that after I had to turn down my Georgia friend. We fought about that. I said “fine you can go, but we’re getting therapy.” So she went.
We go to therapy. Georgia girl is in town about once a year and my ask in therapy was to be able to go out with her once a year, since that was about the frequency with which she got coffee with this guy friend of hers. That’s what I wanted. I said that, but the conversations were mostly phrased in generalities after that. “Should we be able to see people of the opposite sex?” Yes. “Should we be able to talk with them?” Yes. At this point both of us had realized (long ago) that those original conservative boundaries were not healthy and we had both made pretty good progress out of that mentality. Not fully, but quite a bit. I thought that was that. Neither of us really knew what some good, appropriate boundaries were at this point but we decided to play it by ear and just be careful and keep each other in the loop.
One day my wife is off to another state driving her cousin to college. Guess who lives in the state she’s in? James, the coffee guy. James of course stops by the campground my wife is staying at and they chat a bunch. Ya know what else happened WHILE Cari was out of town with her friend James? Our mutual friend Sara texted Cari to see if I could come over and play video games for a while. Cari unilaterally said “no” without consulting me, and it wasn’t even until several days later that I found out that happened. Fucking ouch.
I told you things were going to be bad. I love my wife. We are growing together. I don’t want this to end. Actually I’m horribly afraid of her leaving me, TBH. She says she wont, but…
Fast forward to this year. Here we are. The worst year of my life. Do you know why it’s so bad? Let me tell you. Cari and Sara took a road trip to Sara’s parent’s house (18 hours away). And lo-and-behold, Sara’s old friend Jordan was there, recently separated, soon to be divorced. Cari and Jordan QUICKLY become BFFs. Cari and Jordan have texted each other every single day since they met. Cari and Jordan often stay up, often past midnight, texting each other. Which means Cari isn't coming to bed with me.
Like, ever. Jordan moved to our town shortly after his divorce. Cari and Jordan go for hikes in the woods, alone, for hours at a time, every, single, week (I’m not in good enough shape to hike the mileage they go, Cari is unwilling to lower her mileage to include me). My intro to Jordan was him coming to my house and Cari bought him a gift. I didn’t know she did that. I didn’t know she was going to give it to him in front of me. I didn’t know that they both enjoyed this same comic book she got him. She has literally never told me about this comic. Cari, Sara, and Jordan all went camping. Sara went to bed and Cari and Jordan stayed up literally all night, no sleep, chatting by the camp fire.
Cari tells me that Jordan wants to be my friend, and I put some effort into it, but get nothing, nothing at all in return. No reciprocation. None. Cari insists that Jordan wants to be my friend and just shrugs off any evidence to the contrary. In fact, she often wonders why I’m so critical of him and when I explain that he’s not really putting any effort into being friends with me she shrugs it off. Oh well.
Cari tells me that Jordan makes friends everywhere he goes, and Jordan has pretty much invaded our entire friend group. Except for me. Jordan isn’t friends with me.
Oh, and when Jordan moved to town, I basically dropped off Sara’s radar. Pre-Jordan, our meme-frequency was roughly every 2 out of 3 days. Chatting maybe once every week or two in a non-meme based way. Post-Jordan, Sara started to only send mems once every 4 days. Then 5. Then a week would go by. It was pretty damn obvious that Sara was busy with Jordan (she’s kind of into him) which is fine, but it was really hurtful that she didn’t seem to want to maintain our friendship. I tried. Oh boy I tried. I’d ask questions. She’d reply, but no reciprocation at all. I’d try to plan family events with her and Jordan and my family, and her reply was “I’ll get back to you” but never did. I tried sending Spotify songs, and she reciprocated for a bit, but for every 5 songs I would send I would maybe get 1 in return. Our conversation essentially died. It was sad. I was frustrated. This was a slow, painful death over the course of, IDK, 6, 7, months maybe - since Jordan moved to town. I’ve been depressed my whole life, so that probably didn’t help. I made (perhaps a poor choice? IDK) to just stop. I stopped the effort. August 5 was the last day I sent a meme. I haven’t heard from her since, and she hasn’t asked where I went. So I guess that friendship is over. It sucks that the day I stop putting effort into this friendship is the day it dies. It sucks to find out that I wasn't as important to her as she was to me. There appears to be no concern on her part that I haven’t texted, and I’m not interested in pursuing one-sided friendships. She would text him while we’re out adventuring, she texted him all day on Mother’s Day, she texts him while we’re out on dates and I finally had to ask her to stop. Can I please just have your attention on our dates?
I explain all this to Cari as it’s happening, over the course of months, and I explain how I’m basically losing Sara as a friend since Jordan got here, and I don’t like that we went from absolutely nothing at all to Cari spending hours on her phone with Jordan. She shrugs it off, defends Jordan’s behavior, and sees no problems here.
I’ve never been a phone snooper. I think in our 15 years of marriage I’ve looked at Cari’s phone maybe 4 times total, and 2 of those times were in the last year since she met Jordan. I read their conversations (with her permission). OMG. Nothing sexual. Nothing overtly cheating. But damn she was closer, emotionally, to Jordan in 2 months than I was with Sara in 5 years. Fuck me I guess. She sends him books. They send each other poems their reading. They send each other probably 5 or 6 songs each, each day, since the day they met. They get on Spotify together and listed in pairs (not sure what that’s called) every day, for hours, and talk and talk about the songs. They’ve got their own little book club thing going on. She shares some traumatic experiences she’s been through. She constantly says things like “Jordan you’re so easy to talk to” and “Jordan I wish I could fix everything for you” and “Jordan I wake up every morning crying and go to bed every night crying” and “Jordan good morning” and “Jordan good night” (every. Single. Day) and yes, she does use “Jordan” in much of her texts with him. “Jordan I don’t know what it is about you but I don’t normally open up to guys like this.” She shares passages from books she’s reading (that she doesn’t share with me). Compared to my mostly Meme-based friendship with Sara, there is some deep emotional stuff. Emotional stuff that I don’t get even though we’re married.
Cari and I go on dates and she talks about Jordan. We go hiking (on shorter hikes) and she talks about Jordan. She constantly tells me what a great guy he is. I don’t think a day has gone by in the last year that I haven’t heard about Jordan. I once showed Cari a certain funny YouTube video and she just kind of shrugged it off, and Jordan showed her the same one and “OMG it’s the funniest thing ever!” I’m really into a certain type of music and Cari hates it, absolutely hates it, and over the course of YEARS of sharing this music with her she has never once liked a single song of that genre, and she's been very vocally against it. Jordan plays one song for her from this genre and “OMG Jordan is hilarious it was so funny when he played that song!”
And honestly, I can’t decide what’s worse: Hearing about Jordan all the time, or not hearing about him at all knowing full well that they’ve known each other for a year and already (well after only 2 months) have a deep emotional connection that rivals some marriages.
Keep in mind that SINCE therapy, Cari said “no” to me going to hang out with Sara. Cari (alright, pre-therapy, but still) told me no talking every day to women, no sharing deep things, no sharing things I haven’t shared with her, no staying up late, no spending alone time together, no to working out with random girls, no to talking on the phone (she and James talked on the phone one day after therapy). Since therapy I’ve spent 10 whole minutes alone with a woman and that was in the parking lot of a bar just to say hi to an old friend. (The old HS friend from above.)
I bring this up. I tell her I really just wanted one day a year with Georgia-girl and you’re really going all in on this Jordan thing. And I tell her that I think Jordan is really into her and she laughs it off and says “that’s his problem not mine – I’m still going to be friends with him” which I guess that should’ve been my answer to “what happens if you go to the gym and a girl falls in love with you?”
And I don’t know how the fuck to not be bitter and angry at her friendship with Jordan. When I contrast all the “no’s” that she’s told me over the years, to how close her and Jordan are: she’s (in the course of less than a year) turned into everything she ever hoped I wouldn’t be, and she turned into that person in a blink of an eye. I would fucking love to be happy for her, but since Jordan came to town I lost Sara as a friend and I hardly get any emotional support from my wife any more. In my own personal journal, I sarcastically call him “her emotional support Jordan”.
Look, reddit, I’ve had years and years of conservative values thrown at me. I get that our values of 15 years ago are not healthy. I just have no idea how to be happy for my wife when I have so much pain myself around this Jordan guy. I have literally never told her “no” to hanging out with a guy, either pre- or post-therapy. She actually has offered to drop him as a friend which I think is great and all, that’s very nice, but a) that was at like the 2 month period, she hasn’t offered since, and I doubt she would at this point, and b) it hurt like fuck when she told me I couldn’t see Georgia-girl, and that I couldn’t go play video games with Sara, and I’m not about to hurt her in that same way.
So, just this week I was on our local charity FB page and found some people that needed help. A family. And I have the means to help them. But you know what? I didn’t. Do you know why? It was a woman that posted it, and years and years and years of cheating accusations held me back. I just… I couldn’t do it. And now I hate that I had the chance to help someone and didn’t. God my depression is through the roof.
I just… IDK what to do… about anything. I just want some good friends, and I have very few. I lost a friend this year. Lost half my wife this year. Neither of us have any solutions on how to fix the issues so we just keep doing what we’re going (yeah yeah insanity something something) This is the worst year of my life. My wife changed in the blink of an eye when Jordan showed up. I don’t know how to be happy. I don’t know how to not be bitter. In theory this is great, and I also should be able to go out and have woman friends.
Oh and just an off topic side note: I also lost another friend this year because I had the gall to say that the covid vaccine was not, in fact, killing nurses off in droves (and he blocked me for that, so, neat…). “Well he must not’ve been such a good friend and you shouldn’t feel so bad” No, he was a good friend, and I do feel bad.
I don’t have any questions. I just needed to vent, I guess. I’m so fucking lonely and if anyone wants to message me and just chat then let’s do that. I have no idea if I even have the right to be upset about Cari and Jordan. I really don’t. Fuck conservative values. Fuck conservative values during my formative years. If I do have a right to be upset, I have no idea what to do about it. If I don’t, I have no idea how to be happy for them. I want to be.
Honestly I'm worried my marriage is over and I don't know how to fix anything at all.
recently got my licence, but its automatic. I have multiple learning disabilities and so I decided it would be better for me to learn automatic as it’s easier (plus less money since less lessons). every time I tell someone I got my licence they get all excited and congratulate me, but when I say its automatic they go “oh”, like its not that good. its such a stupid thing to be hung up on I know, i just feel like such an idiot for not being able to drive manual.
I (f16) have always struggled with school. I’ve always either been mediocre or just ass. Especially with math. Anything with numbers and any brain cells I have are out the window. I’ve always been good at English but I picked up AP lang this year and I’m struggling so hard. And it’s not that I don’t try. I try so fucking hard. I study and put so much effort into my assignments. But nevertheless I get shit grades. I have an extremely hard time focusing and sitting still but I always try my hardest to just ignore that because my grades are my number one priority. My school doesn’t make it anymore easier. My school doesn’t have walls, just room dividers (bcs the idea was to create an “open” and “United” space) and I always end up focusing on the noises from the other classrooms. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I literally have to plug of my ears or excuse myself to the bathroom to cry because it is just so frustrating. My memory is shit and I comprehend the material we learn in class at such a slow rate compared to my classmates. It is so incredibly frustrating and absolutely soul crushing. I am constantly behind everyone else and I don’t understand why. I get home and immediately start crying because I just feel like I have the mental capability of a fucking 5 year old. I don’t know what to do that this point. I have lost any and all hope for myself as a successful student.
I am sick of people in my life whom i consider to be my chosen family leaving me for no better reason than "we drifted apart" when we could very well have not if people just kept in touch. How in the fuck do I stop getting attached to people...
I'm really sad, I'm losing people from life, and I feel lonely, I'm getting flashbacks from the past, because of the recent incident that happened to me, that triggered it.
So I’m in this ‘situationship’ and I’m not really liking it because I feel like it may be making me paranoid and insecure. But anyways me (27f) has been talking to 29m for two months via snapchat. Well recently I’ve noticed his snap score has been going up. Does this necessarily mean he’s talking to other girls? I did not ask him if he is but he claims to me that he’s not. So idk am I being insecure do I need to work on me? Because I check his score daily and when I see it go up I get really paranoid that its because he’s talking to other girls.
I just automatically assume every guy is a player because of my past but also he stated he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me yet he states he likes me and I’m the only girl he’s talking too.
It's honestly terrifying how much rage my body can hold onto. I'm tired of the karma concept, it's made up by people who were too scared to act upon their revenge urges and makes me feel even shittier.
My brain is used to the things that happened, but for some reason it refuses to let go of the fact that this person still exists. Why do some people just get away with the harm they've done to others without any consequences whatsoever? It's been fucking years, when is it my turn?
Hi friends, Im working on a project to empower those using psychedelics for healing to have the safest and most beneficial experiences possible. I’d love to have feedback from ppl with a low-intermediate level of experience with psychedelics. Plz reply below if interested<3
For a little more context, over the last year or so, I noticed from personal experience and from those around me that more people are using psychedelics on their own for the purpose of healing, but even those of us who have some experience with psychedelics weren’t fully informed about how to make the most of them in that context.
So I started talking to more people, including those in this community, to learn about the challenges they faced in their psychedelic-healing journeys and thinking about potential solutions for solo journeyers. I now have some more concrete ideas regarding my approach and am reengaging with the community to make sure I’m on the right track and can build something that actually adds value for people.
I love co-creating with this community and would really value a chance to chat about your needs and experiences. Also very open to engaging anonymously if that's more comfortable. Thanks and much love!
I don’t sleep well and I feel alone , That’s why I’m depressed tonight.