r/MadeMeSmile Oct 02 '22 Take My Energy 2 LOVE! 1 Silver 21 Gold 2 Helpful 21 Wholesome 55 All-Seeing Upvote 1

💕TapTapTap for this!! Wholesome Moments

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81.8k Upvotes

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u/FragranceCandle Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22 Helpful Wholesome

My boyfriend and I have this thing where we’ll jiggle as a silly way to be like «I’m very happy and love you very much!». When we’re sleeping, we usually face opposite ways with our butts touching. If he’s asleep, and I wriggle my butt, he’ll do the same 🥹 I like to think he’s happy in his dreams too

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u/necessary_twirl Oct 02 '22

My husband and I sleep the same way and do a bum wiggle if we notice the other is awake as a "oh hey! Love!!"

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u/hermithiding Oct 02 '22

I love this. My husband and I saw this post years ago and do the three taps thing. I do it when I cuddle up to him and no matter how asleep he is, if I tap or squeeze him 3 times, he will wiggle 3 times back. If he's super deep into sleep sometimes it's only twice cause his sleep mind forgets what he was doing. He's so adorable.

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u/entomologyqueen Oct 02 '22

This is so cute and while not about showing affection reminded me of the time my boyfriend said “OH YEAH!!” like the koolaid man while dead asleep, which we still yell at each other and die laughing about.

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u/Gutsy_Moose267 Oct 02 '22

My partner and I call these butt smooches

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u/jkjwysa Oct 02 '22

I do something similar with my partner, we grab a body part like an arm and just quickly move it back and forth "for emphasis." Once I grabbed his head to give a light shake and the expression on his face was priceless.

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u/DancingYoshi Oct 02 '22

Happy wiggle!

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u/thisiscatyeslikemeow Oct 02 '22

In the butt wiggle club here too!

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u/According-Activity10 Oct 02 '22

This is cute as helllllllll take my award.

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u/huskofthewolf Oct 02 '22

Growing up, our family never said I love you. I was so jealous of extended family that would always say it. Now I'm this cold heap of mess.

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u/TourDeOz Oct 02 '22

My family say it a lot, the problem is it just doesn’t feel genuine… I’ve not seen my mum in over 10 years and she can’t be bothered visiting her grandchild. Yet, still, ‘I love you’ gets thrown around like it means something.

My wife and I are happily married for almost 15 years, we rarely say it but we sure as heck show it in other ways.

It might be a cliche but actions are more important than the words and families are what you make, not the ones you’re born into.

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u/chriscrossnathaniel Oct 02 '22

My dad's parents did not show their love openly .His parents did not hug him much or say "I love you " .But thankfully he was determined to be the best dad for us kids.

My father was wonderfully present, affectionate, and supportive while I was growing up -always ready with a hug , always happy to spend time with me , make my favourite food. I really feel like he helped me to become a generally happy and secure adult.

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u/blitzlurker Oct 02 '22

SAME!!! I feel terrible but I don’t feel any love when my family who hasn’t seen or talked to me for years throw “I love you” around when I’ve been hospitalized multiple times over the years without a single call or text from them.

An ex I had was extremely emotionally and physically abusive but said “I love you” all the time, it eventually became something that made me feel terrible because it didn’t match with her actions.

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u/curious_astronauts Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

Love isnt words its action, is my truth. It's taken me too long to forget those who love through words alone. Including my own family. My partner is all action - we barely say it.

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u/Justsomerando849 Oct 02 '22

Lost the love of my life to learn this lesson.

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u/sevenXsix4kix Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

https://xkcd.com/561/

It's crazy to me how much variation there is in people's conception of the word love. But then, I guess I'm the weird one. To me, the phrase "you're my girlfriend" carries connotations stronger than most marriage vows.

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u/Fine-Technician7152 Oct 02 '22

There's a Latin phrase: factis non verbis. It means actions speak louder than words. Also, the phrase "blood is thicker than water" is used completely wrong in modern times. The full phrase is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water if the womb." This one means family is what you make, not what you were born into. I just wanted you to know thousands of years of philosophy completely agree with your statement.

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u/andthischeese Oct 02 '22

This is mind blowing! I had no idea that was the original statement and love it.

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u/DolfK Oct 02 '22

It's not. The original is just ‘blood is thicker than water’ and refers to familial bonds. The covenant bastardisation was invented by a single guy in 1994 and is indeed nonsense.

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u/Fine-Technician7152 Oct 02 '22

We use many common expressions completely wrong. Another fine example you may already know is bootstraps. The origin of "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" means to do the impossible. Lift yourself by picking up from your feet? C'mon. Then some dumbasses started thinking it was about being self sufficient. We may live in the era of misinformation but deception and outright lies have always been part of the human experience.

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u/Jacketdown Oct 02 '22

I used to feel this way because I’m my family we all say I love you automatically. It changed one time at work when I said I love you to my dad at the end of a phone call (I am a 33 year old man) and a coworker tried mocking me for it. At that moment I realized how automatic and “over said” it was for me, but to someone else it still carries all the weight. Ain’t no one gonna stop me from telling the people I love that I love them.

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u/zacksje Oct 02 '22

Same, my mum said it a lot and demanded we said it back, didn’t do anything else remotely motherly though.

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u/Sharp-Subject-8314 Oct 02 '22

Don’t convince yourself those words don’t matter as much as actions. They truly do.

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u/tillie4meee Oct 02 '22 Wholesome

**Grandma hug**

You take care. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201812/self-care-12-ways-take-better-care-yourself

...accept yourself as a work in progress the continue to build yourself into the person you’re dreaming to be;the person you have all the potential to be. accept your flaws, accept your truths. accept your past. and make light of them. no one can tear you down if you make peace with who you are and where you’ve been. if you are going to focus on the negative at all,focus on turning them into positives. focus on growing. sometimes, often times, our minds are the scariest place to sit. it’ll trick you into comparing yourself to others and it’ll trick you into believing you aren’t good enough. but you are. you have always been and you always will be. you’re much more powerful when you believe in yourself. if you don’t love all of you, who will? give yourself time to blossom.

**Reyna Biddy

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u/No-Concern4908 Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

My father and mother never said either. But they do, my family was poor, they had to leave my sister and me at home to go to the city for jobs, my father once mentioned that every time my mom was leaving, she didn't dare to look back otherwise she would cry uncontrollably for some time.

When I went to university, my father managed to buy me a high spec laptop (I was in computer science major) thinking it is very useful to me though it is not required (actually not recommended by the university). I still remember that when we went out, we tried to hide it in the shabby room they rented in the city as it was the most valuable thing in the family at that time.

They never said I love you verbally, but they do from everything they did and do.

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u/Ayacyte Oct 02 '22

Exactly bro. If they say I live you, but don't support you, their love isn't worth much. What matters the most is that they actually love you and show it through their actions.

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u/perv_bot Oct 02 '22

It’s never too late. I started going to therapy a decade ago and at some point I decided I was just going to start telling my family and friends that I loved them. And guess what? All of them told me that they loved me too. Some of them were a bit surprised at first; some joked about it; some weren’t sure how to react. But all of them adjusted to it and all of them say it back without missing a beat now.

It’s never too late, and you’ll never regret saying it, even to the ones who get flustered. I wouldn’t even regret saying it to someone who couldn’t say it back to me because I love them regardless and I want them to know.

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u/boshbosh92 Oct 02 '22

I'm 30 and my mom has told me she loves me exactly twice in my life, and my dad has never said it.

that's not to say I had a bad childhood. my dad worked extremely hard to provide for us, and I had everything I needed. we'd have birthday parties and go out to eat, vacations etc. we just never hugged or said 'I love you', but I do know my parents love me.

It's made my adult relationships difficult. all 3 of my long time relationships have brought up my lack of affection and at first I didn't understand what I was doing wrong - I was just being 'normal' in my book. physical affection is hard for me, I don't crave it like a lot of people do, and I almost have an adverse reaction to it. it's uncomfortable.

I have to consciously focus on being physically affectionate and 'force myself' to give hugs. it's a work in progress and I'm not very good at it, but I'm trying.

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u/perv_bot Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 03 '22

My situation wasn’t as extreme, but I grew up in a similar household where we generally didn’t say we loved each other and weren’t particularly affectionate. Yet, like you, I knew I was loved. Regardless, to this day, I am still very hesitant to touch people and I assume people don’t want to touch me.

My best friend is very similar. Similar to the thing where I make a point to tell my friends and family I love them, I have also started trying to make a point to hug friends and family when I see them (after asking for their consent, of course). My best friend tolerates it for my sake but I could tell she hated it.

Recently she was going through a really horrible time so I went out to meet her at a store so we could spend some time together. When I saw her, I told her that I really wanted to give her a big hug and hold her for a moment but I knew she would hate it. TO MY SURPRISE she said she would actually appreciate it right now and so we stood in the middle of a JCPenney just hugging it out for a few minutes.

I think it takes time to feel comfortable giving love and learning how to accept love. And it’s ok if there are some kinds of love that people never feel comfortable giving or receiving. But if you want to change by learning how to give and accept more love, I think there’s a lot of potential for that. Just keep trying. <3

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u/Old-Weird3117 Oct 02 '22

Same.I don't remember the last time someone hugged me , genuinely smiled at me , or my family told that they loved me.I am slowly becoming an pathetic zombie.

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u/tillie4meee Oct 02 '22

**Grandma hug**

YOU take care of yourself - you are worth it.

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u/SatinKlaus Oct 02 '22

Same, I have no memories of being hugged as a child, only being abused. And my mother only saying she loves me when she was trying to manipulate me to do something. I was even blamed for my brother’s suicide, because I should’ve been the one to die apparently.

As an adult I’ve still never felt loved, or gotten hugged. It’s something I’ve basically lost interest in. Any kind of physical contact just feels uncomfortable to me.

I’ve also since been diagnosed with Cluster B personality disorders, which probably explains my lack of interest in other people.

I’ve come to accept who I am, I just don’t like how out of place I feel around everyone else.

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u/CraisyDaisy Oct 02 '22

This makes me very sad for you. I left my marriage because I refused to let my son be around a parent that was neglectful so I can't imagine treating him like that.

I don't know if this means anything to you, but there are some times that comments like this make me want to give big hugs to people, even if I don't know them. I'm sorry if that's weird, but I hope you're OK with me sharing a virtual hug. If you want one. From a mom who cares.

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u/Bam_Peasly Oct 02 '22

My mother said it obsessively and it took me decades to understand why she would say it but treat me so very terribly. It’s because she never loved me. She was trying to convince herself she did. It’s a very long story, for which I’ve had much therapy.

Just know that someone telling you verbally that they love you isn’t always true… and sometimes them not telling you doesn’t mean that they don’t dearly love you…

Blessed be

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u/Ancient-Apartment-23 Oct 02 '22

Same. I started saying it to my parents and they were a little confused, but they say it now too.

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u/CantaloupeMoney9906 Oct 02 '22

I'm sorry to hear that. We always made sure to say it as often as possible because thanks to life doing it's thing we had a firm grasp on the fact that you may not get another chance to.

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u/onceandfuturetaco Oct 02 '22

Same here. Didn’t realize how weird it was until I’d go to friends houses and they’re saying I love you every time the walk out the door. Makes you question your self-worth as a kid

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u/Brennatay Oct 02 '22

As a child, my family didn’t say it either (and still rarely do). However, I’ve made damn certain that I say it all the time to my fiancé and my two kids.

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u/embraceyourpoverty Oct 02 '22

Yep. Hugging still feels so weird. I think my kids are better at it because of my MIL, but I came from a touchless, “you should…” family.

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u/Turbulent-Ad8391 Oct 02 '22

My family never said it growing up. I always wondered why, so when I started my family I swore I would say it everyday, now I have a spouse and four kids and we tell each other I love you multiple times a day, it really is the best, even my parents started saying it a lot more. Anyways my advice is just say it when you feel it to whoever, it might feel awkward at first but it’s worth it!

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u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

Same here. My parents almost never said it to me.

I say it to my kid several times a day.

Saying it to anyone other than my spouse/child still feels weird but it’s a start

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u/asgaardson Oct 02 '22

So did my family. My grandmother(holodomor survivor) was more concerned if I was fed rather than what I felt. My parents are the same. So was my ex wife.

I'm now married for a second time, and I'm overwhelmed with all the verbal expressions of love and feelings. So good to hear yet so unusual to me. I try to keep up but it's so difficult for some reason even though the feelings are there.

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u/MyNameIsNonYaBizniz Oct 02 '22

Grabs boobs 3 times, squeeze squeeze squeeze.

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u/BlackBlades Oct 02 '22

I'm really sorry it's like that for you. If I could help, I would. But it'd be possibly creepy for you were a stranger to tell you that they love you.

I hope you find people you want to love and in turn be loved by.

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u/steamygarbage Oct 02 '22

Same for my family. I still feel very awkward when I say it to my mom when we finish our video calls since I live thousands of miles away now. That doesn't mean we don't love each other in our family. We do, and very much so. There just isn't a need to express it verbally.

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u/nejnonein Oct 02 '22

My parents never did either, so I make it a point to always tell my kids that I love them.

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u/Logical-Cardiologist Oct 02 '22

Meh. I just avoid people I don't want to spend time with.

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u/ScaryHarry15 Oct 02 '22

Don’t worry I love you

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u/captnfirepants Oct 02 '22 Helpful

This was my father.

The last time we were able to communicate as he was dying from dementia. I was holding his hand and told him that I'm going to miss him and he squeezed three times.

Guts me every time I think about it.

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u/OKredditor8888 Oct 02 '22

Close to the same here. My dad was in the hospital dying from liver failure and was out of it. He put his hand up a little and wanted me to squeeze it. He worked with his hands a lot and they were always so rough. I just remember that feel when I grabbed it for the last time.

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u/Loesje2303 Oct 02 '22

My bf and I had the same “problem”. We’d talked about it and he said he thought the words “I love you” are just really special and only to be used sparingly so that they wouldn’t lose meaning. His fear was to become people who say “I love you” several times a day so that it becomes routine and doesn’t mean enough anymore, that it just becomes something you just say instead of this big and important thing.

Then I saw this a few years back and sent it to him, and it worked! It was not that he didn’t want me to know that he loved me, he was just really careful with the words. Now I get to know that he loves me daily and he gets to only use the big important words when he feels it is fitting.

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u/AllowMe-Please Oct 02 '22 Heartwarming

That's so strange. I mean, I get where he's coming from, I guess. But in our family, we say "I love you" every day to each other. Every time one of us leaves the house, or hangs up the phone, and going to bed... It's just become a "normal" thing for us and each and every time I say it, I mean it.

Our daughter (who was 13 at the time) once said "I love you" towards the end of a phone call while she was with her friends and apparently they laughed at her and she just said, "what? I love my mom. I want her to know that."

But I guess I can see how that would be excessive to others. And I'm very glad that your relationship with your bf is full of love! It's important to hear it, and I'm happy to hear that your bf tells you that in his own way.

(Oh, and another similar-ish situation our daughter had was when she called me from her friend's house and asked if she could watch It with them. I heard a kid on the other end say, "why the hell are you asking your mom? She's just gonna say no!" and she replied, "I'd rather her say 'no' than lose trust in me, so...". I love that kid, haha)

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u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22 You Dropped This

My dad died unexpectedly in his sleep. But, I had called him the evening before so I take some comfort that my last words to him were “I love you dad”. I’m a dude in my 40s and I owe my ability to show emotion to him.

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u/chriscrossnathaniel Oct 02 '22

We are very affectionate in our family .I am particularly close to my parents .I hug them and say " I love you " all the time.My kids also do the same .They are like sponges, constantly absorbing our behaviour.

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u/CraisyDaisy Oct 02 '22

My son is the same. Very affectionate, and I'm glad. He'll be a good partner to someone someday hopefully, and probably get his heart broken because he loves easily and a lot, even as a teen. But! I'd rather that than being unable to express emotions. There's nothing wrong with people who can't, I just know it can be difficult sometimes.

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u/didyouwoof Oct 02 '22

I’m old and have lost many, many family members and loved ones. These days I make a practice of telling people I love that I love them, because you never know if it will be the last chance! But I get why people who are younger don’t necessarily do this.

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u/fucklawyers Oct 02 '22

Ooh yeah, and ya definitely don’t want the opposite where the last thing you said was mean. I managed to tell off not one, but two family members and an exgirlfriend days before they passed. Overdoses, and I told them off cuz I couldn’t take that shit any more, but fuck I didn’t mean like that!

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u/Any_Cabinet_1011 Oct 02 '22

this although so sad, is so lovely🥹 this is the exact reason i have to say i love you to the people i care about whenever i leave the house or finish a call, etc. id rather excessively express that love than not and one day not being able to. im so so glad you could 💞

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u/AnyKindheartedness88 Oct 02 '22

I’m the same - my parents said it a lot when I was younger, and I never end a phone call to my family without an “I love you.” Because one day that will be the last call, and I want the last thing I said to them was that I love them.

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u/blauws Oct 02 '22

Aw that sounds amazing! I have a 5 year old kid who is obsessed with space and every night before bed we share a hug a I tell him I love him to Jupiter and back, but I rotate the planets. He always answers that he loves me to the moon and back and he won't go to sleep without his hug. Favourite moment of the day.

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u/thejdrops Oct 02 '22

That’s really beautiful.

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u/CodenameCoolBreeze Oct 02 '22

Dang. My mom and I only did the moon and back. Jupiter? That’s special.

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u/Delores_Herbig Oct 02 '22

I’m in your boat. My family ends all phone calls with “I love you”. We always say it when we part ways in person. We will say it randomly.

And also, I say this to a lot of my friends, and now they say it back. We all mean it. One of my best friends, who is a kind of reserved guy, has gotten in on it in the last couple years. It is honestly really nice to be regularly reminded that the people you care about also care about you.

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u/Defiant_apricot Oct 02 '22

This. I remember the first time I said “I love you” to my best friends. These are friends who mean the world to me who are family. Platonic love is real and matters.

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u/Disenchanted52 Oct 02 '22

So true. It matters more than romantic love.

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u/ArbityrDubstep Oct 02 '22

This exactly, the problem is definitely not too much love being spread. If anything it’s too little.

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u/voidhearts Oct 02 '22 Silver

This thread has me in tears. My family is so broken and torn apart, we never say “I love you” to each other. I used to say it to my mom all the time when I was little but now…

I try to tell my friends as much as I can. I’m glad to say they do the same for me.

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u/_Kendii_ Oct 02 '22

My daughter is almost 13 and she gets a love you and tuck in every single night still, and a love you every single morning on her way to school. Hope she never gets too cool for that stuff.”, even if I’m ready for the hit now lol

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u/AllowMe-Please Oct 02 '22

Lol, I hope not! Our daughter is fifteen and she claims she'll never become "too cool" for it. Our fourteen-year-old son is the same.

That's so sweet what you do with yours :)

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u/Phade2Black Oct 02 '22

I remember a kid in high school getting dropped off in the morning and his mom honked the horn to yell "I LOVE YOU" in typical embarrassing fashion, he wheels around without skipping a beat and yells it back smiling. Some kids started to heckle him and he just goes "What, you don't love your mom? I feel sorry for you."

It was so simple and just shut that shit down immediately. Pretty sure his stock rose with every girl in school that day. I envied him for being so mature and comfortable with things most of us wouldn't get over until after highschool.

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u/AllowMe-Please Oct 02 '22

That's almost exactly how our daughter reacted! And our son came home one day, sad that a kid made fun of him for saying "I love you" to his mom. But not sad because he got made fun of; sad because he felt it tragic that the kid didn't love his mom as much as he did!

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u/Phade2Black Oct 02 '22

It's awesome to see! That one act being witnessed by so many helped ease the social stigma of the whole thing as well.

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u/SnooPuppers1978 Oct 02 '22

I will definitely make it a goal when I have a kid to instill this level of self-confidence to that kid.

I know I had self-confidence issues and was easily suspect to peer pressure at that time or fears of what others think of me. I think it's really important for me to teach my kid to be above that.

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u/belsor14 Oct 02 '22

always interesting to hear other side's to this

i can't remember any family member telling me 'i love you'. Ever. i don't remember much about my childhood, but since age 8-10 it never happened

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u/zertul Oct 02 '22

That's so cute and wholesome! That certainly sounds like it hasn't lost any meaning in your family regardless of frequency of usage. It's always a bit heartbreaking for me to realise that there are such awesome families out there compared to mine.
You're certainly doing a lot of things right there! :)

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u/lolfangirl Oct 02 '22

The key difference is in the relationship. They are talking about a boyfriend, you're talking about family with children. The level of commitment and inate love is very different.

In chosen relationships (ie, not children/parents), it takes time to build that level of love and trust and so if the relationship was relatively young, then the hesitancy makes sense. There's a lot of commitment issues involved.

In contrast, long term relationships and family either don't have those early commitment questions or the love is inate, as with children.

In my family, we tell each other I love you all the time. You literally cannot say it enough. Does it sometimes sound routine? Sure. But so does have a good day, and we still mean that.

Anyway, I just think love IS something that should be thrown around willy nilly as much as possible so that's how we do.

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u/AllowMe-Please Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

I was also referring to my husband, too!

But yes, you're right. It is a very different type of love, but every time I say it to either my husband or my children, I do mean it, even though it's a different type, ya know? And yes, it does sometimes seem "routine", but even then, hearing it always makes me feel good. I actually asked one of our kids once why they say it so often and they said it's because it makes them feel good to say it and because it makes them feel good to know that I or my husband know they love us.

I'm not judging anyone who doesn't have it that way at their home, either! This post demonstrates exactly why it's not always necessary. I'm just saying that I have it in my life and I'd be sad not to, but those who express their love differently are absolutely valid, as well.

Edit: 'cause, yeah... familial and romantic love are two different things. I'd go so far to even say that my love for our children is absolutely unconditional, but my love for my husband isn't. He could always do something that could make me fall out of love with him, but the children will be my children no matter what. Even if they do something awful, I'll love them. I might not respect nor support them anymore, but I can't imagine never loving them, it would just become a more difficult, complicated, and painful sort of love. But a spouse? I honestly don't think it's good to have unconditional love at that point because there are always things that can be dealbreakers. So far, so good, though!

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u/lolfangirl Oct 02 '22

Agreed! I express my "special moments" love with things other than words. My husband and I have been together 18 years and say I love you multiple times a day. Special occasions get something more lol.

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u/wonwoorideul_88 Oct 02 '22

Our household is exactly the same.

Every parting is an 'I love you' and sometimes it's something we say when there's literally no other word or way to explain how we feel about someone in a moment.

It's not less meaningful, if anything it keeps us present with our love for each other.

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u/AllowMe-Please Oct 02 '22

Yes, exactly!

I also always have this strange fear of "what's the last thing I said to them?" when not seeing them in a while if something horrible happens to one of us. And my husband and I are pretty open with our affection with each other and the kids picked up on it and aren't afraid to be so open, either.

It makes me sad, hearing how some people never say it or hear it, but as this post demonstrates, not everyone communicates the same! As long as your love is in your actions, that matters a great deal. But I admit, hearing it is nice, too.

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u/BoboCookiemonster Oct 02 '22

Same, when I was in school I was so used to ending phone calls with I love you because I basically only ever called my grandparents and parents. Once I had a call with a female classmate and ended the phone call saying just that. I don’t know if she heard it or not, she may have already hung up but I never said anything to her about it.

And as you can see I haven’t forgotten about it either.

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u/Wrong_Adhesiveness87 Oct 02 '22

I kind of get it but I agree with you. Just saying something a lot doesn't dilute its meaning or good feelings/impact on loved ones. My husband and I say it all the time. I get different love languages but I don't get the "dilution" theory. My dad did things for us, and that was how he said it. He's actually never said it but he would frequently drive 30 min to pick me up and gives big tight hugs. But there are other words to use. My husband also use "you make me happy". Just sitting on the couch having a quiet moment and look up and think, yeah I like this.

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u/AllowMe-Please Oct 02 '22

Yeah, I agree. I don't get how it could be diluted when you mean it every time you say it. It's not like my love gets less every time I say it; it's just nice to affirm it. It's nice to hear.

And we've never once forced our children to say it, either. It's always had to come from them and so it feels all the better, hearing them say it. Hell, one time I was on the phone with my daughter and she accidentally hung up before finishing and immediately called back and said, "I didn't say 'I love you'! Love you, mama!" and not once have I felt like it was meaningless. Each time, it makes me feel like I'm doing something right, that I'd be worthy of their 'I love you's.

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u/PocketGuidetoACDs Oct 02 '22

It makes sense to me because I grew up with those words being hollow. Used out of obligation without the demonstration to back them up. And used, on occasion, with manipulation as the intent. Then I was in a marriage where they became hollow and meaningless.

These days those words are precious to me. Deeply so. I worry that I might ever give that same impression. I want every time I use them to matter. To be unquestionable. For who ever I'm saying them to to never feel doubt or uncertainty. I want them to know that when I say "I love you" I mean it profoundly.

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u/lemon31314 Oct 02 '22

Is he not afraid the tap becomes meaningless? Or does it just not have as much meaning to him in the first place so it doesn’t matter?

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u/Loesje2303 Oct 02 '22

I guess it feels different to him. The taps are for him to confirm to me that he loves me and wants to let me know, without using the words. The taps are for the daily moments I guess, the base line of loving each other. The words are for when you feel overwhelmed with love, when you are experiencing something deep (like after a really good talk, a difficult situation/time period, on an anniversary, or a seemingly random moment when the feeling of love just overtakes you).

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u/Rinasoir Oct 02 '22

I get where your BF is coming from.

There's a world of difference between me saying it to my family, and the idea of saying it to others, even the ones I'm very close too.

Can't really describe it, but, it's a big deal.

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u/RequireMeToTellYou Oct 02 '22

I feel like it is a difference of how the words are viewed. The word "love" ended up meaning so many different types of love. So I think the problem for some people is they don't see it as all combinations like others do.

Like for me, I love and care about my family but I feel weird saying it to them. Not because I don't want to but the context just feels wrong to me. Or some of my friends will say they love me but I don't say it back because it just seems so weird too me. I feel guilty over it, but the word just doesn't fit the situation for me. But I have no issue saying it to my boyfriend because that is what the word love feels like it should be in relation too.

I think I just see the word as something for romantic context, so using it for friends and family seems wrong and maybe even a little gross...

I really hate we put so much into one word. I really would like more words for these things. "love you as family", "love you as friends", "love you as my significant other" and whatever else.

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u/heroyoudontdeserve Oct 02 '22

What I don't get it what's the difference between expressing it in words and expressing it using touch. Like, why isn't he worried that the touch method will become routine and doesn't mean enough anymore, that it just becomes something you just do instead of this big and important thing?

What's the difference?

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u/Tirrojansheep Oct 02 '22

I have the same thing with "I'm proud of you". I've only said it sparingly, like when I'm teaching someone something and they way exceed my expectations. I want it to mean something.

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u/lolfangirl Oct 02 '22

Ouch. I'm the exact opposite. I'm proud of my kids just because. Whether they meet, exceed, or fall below my expectations, I let them know I'm proud of them no matter what and what matters most is their effort.

I think people have grown up to think emotional manipulation is normal because they didn't hear those things as a kid. They had to "earn" those "special" words. So now they impose that on their own relationships.

I mean, we're all different and if it works for you, great. I just don't get it lol.

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u/camyers1310 Oct 02 '22

I understand what she is saying.

I am constantly telling my son affirmations, like "you did a really great job", or "see? You can totally do it!", or "nice work dude!".

I reserve "I'm proud of you" when he does something exceptional. It's not that I never say it, but I use it sparingly when he has accomplished something he should be proud of.

For example, we just went out west and went hiking. He is only 8 and we did a tough 12 mile hike, and hiked to the top of a mountain. That was an incredibly difficult hike for the little man, but he was determined to get to the top of that mountain.

I told him how proud I was of him. Because I fucking was!

It's not that I don't say it, I just save it for when I really mean it. I have tons of other affirmations I use to let him know how positively I think of him.

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u/SpiderCunt69 Oct 02 '22

I’m exactly the same way. I felt so pressured when my ex tried to make me say ily literally a few weeks into the relationship. It stressed me out immensely.

It’s important to recognise that people have different ways of expressing love, and different paces in coming to terms with love.

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u/Tebash Oct 02 '22

If you talked about it and he explained that he loves you just doesn't say it, why couldn't you accept it? Did you truly think that he only loves you when he says the words? Is there a expiration on I love you? Like if he said it Tuesday and not again until Friday how long did it last? Was there no love on Thursday?

I don't fully understand people and relationships so it's all very interesting to me.

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u/Fauxreigner_ Oct 02 '22

I can't answer for OP, but part of it is just that long term relationships aren't all smiles and chill vibes. Sometimes one or more people are stressed, either with each other or with some other situation. Even beyond that, good relationships can be very relaxed and comfortable, where you're just pleasantly existing with another person/people without constantly going out on dates and whatnot. It's just an affirmation that you're still in the same place in the relationship, since people aren't mind readers.

And even beyond that, it's normal for two people to have different emotional needs like that, both as part of their personality and because of whatever else is going on at the time. Some people may be perfectly happy knowing that their partner loves them even if they haven't said it for six months. It's just something that you need to communicate about, because otherwise it can cause friction.

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u/Lennyzard Oct 02 '22 Wholesome Take My Energy

Awwww. Can’t wait for this to never happen to me.

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u/majin-canon Oct 02 '22

Bro... me neither

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u/jaxonya Oct 02 '22

I did the holding hands "I love you" squeeze with my first real gf when I was 16. We never really even spoke about it, just started happening and we both knew what it meant. It evolved to where the person responding would add an extra "tighter" squeeze that meant I. Love. You. MORE. Which then evolved to the shaking the hand left to right as if to say "no you don't" and thus the process started over again.

Brittni if you are out there, I still think about you after all these years and I still have that penguin you made for me at build a bear. I hope you have an amazing life.

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u/too_much_too_slow Oct 02 '22

I hope that one day Brittni is about to get married and her wedding planner is visiting her house and is like, “Wow, you have a lot of penguin figurines! My boyfriend also likes penguins. He has this one stuffed penguin that he’s had since he was a teenager, but I told him that he needs to throw it out once we move in together!” And then Brittni is like, “A stuffed penguin? For a grown man? How silly!” And then the wedding planner says, “It’s ridiculous! It looks so out of place on his mantle. Look.” And then shows Brittni a picture of his mantle.

And then Brittni has a “Wait a minute, that looks familiar…” moment and then there’s a flashback to where Brittni made the penguin at Build-A-Bear.

Two weeks later, the wedding planner and Brittni are picking out flowers and the wedding planner realizes that she forgot her binder, so hold on a second while she calls her boyfriend to swing by and drop it off.

Then the boyfriend brings the binder and Brittni and the boyfriend lock eyes. Flash back to her giving the boyfriend the penguin.

They go to shake hands, kind of unsure if they really recognize each other. Until, during the hand shake, he squeezes her hand three times. And she squeezes back four times: I love you still.

Also, Brittni’s fiancé is never at the wedding planning appointments because he’s too busy with his business. That way, the audience roots for the boyfriend.

I’ve watched too many romantic comedies. I’m going back to bed.

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u/jaxonya Oct 02 '22

I really like this movie. I'd add that when you touch the penguins foot it says "Goodnight 'jaxonya', I love you" .. .I don't push it anymore because I'm afraid it won't work. So at the end of the movie I push the button, thinking I let her get away, the button doesn't work... But she's standing behind me and says it.

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u/Dominika_4PL Oct 02 '22

Goddamn, now I want to watch this movie! Damn you Reddit for making me emotional about movies that don't even exist!

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u/Polobearmigi Oct 02 '22

That got me emotional

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u/ahhhWhatTheHell Oct 02 '22

Holy fuck yes.

freebrittni

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u/Iamloghead Oct 02 '22

I’d watch this movie. Probably cry like the man baby I am. DAMMIT!!!!! I’m a sucker for romantic comedies.

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u/LordCharco_iii Oct 02 '22

Give it time, my guy. Give it time. That’s what I’ve told myself for the past five years, and I’m still holding on to hope. We’ve got our whole lives ahead of us.

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u/Justaniceman Oct 02 '22

No, don't just wait, take action.

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u/TatManTat Oct 02 '22

Gotcha, I will now approach every woman I find remotely attractive /s

"taking action" romantically mostly involves waiting for opportunities.

Creating opportunities for new romance (like attending a class to meet someone etc) usually doesn't end well, as your intent clouds whatever you're doing.

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u/Justaniceman Oct 02 '22

Create opportunities by exposing yourself to as many people as possible in an environment that allows you to be comfortable in your own skin. Make that your intent and you'll be fine.

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u/LordCharco_iii Oct 02 '22

True enough, but by the same token, allow time for the moment when you should take action to show itself.

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u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/IncreaseFluffy688 Oct 02 '22

The top comments on any /r/all post about love or romance are always this foreveralone shit. It's like all the lonely men are concentrated in reddit comment sections

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u/ZeroBlade-NL Oct 02 '22

Three upvotes is the same thing but digitally, seems like you're doing alright here

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u/themadnad Oct 02 '22

Tap tap tap ❤️

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u/Uhhhhhm_okaaay Oct 02 '22

When it's day 1 of your pointless uterus throwing a hissy fit because you don't want to put a baby in it and you're absolutely wallowing in the "I'm gonna die alone"s because you're damn near 30 and your longest relationship (1/3 relationships ever) lasted only 1 year, and all your friends are married and have couple plans today so you go on Reddit to wallow cuz, I mean all those people are miserable too and now you want to throw your phone and cry because there is love in the world, it's just not for you

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u/EvilPanda85 Oct 02 '22

I remember when my son was born prematurely and nearly didn't make it, and when I sat with him on my chest att the hospital I suddenly thought about this post. I started very very lightly squeeze his little hand 2 times evertime he became unsettled (after I fixed the thing that was troubling him, poop, breathing or whatever). I continued this every night when we go to sleep etc At 3 now.. if he wakes up crying, all it takes is a hand and 2 squeezes.

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u/lemonandsugarr Oct 02 '22

god i’m lonely

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u/Front_Plankton_6808 Oct 02 '22

Yeah, me too.

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u/Shinypuff2241 Oct 02 '22

Not me I have a dog 🤡

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u/CantaloupeMoney9906 Oct 02 '22

Same here. But you can find some peace in dropping out. Just don't make that a goal and focus on what makes you happy. For me it's the gym, food, skateboarding, being outside, smoking a bit of ganja for spirit. With all of those things added on to my chores and responsibilities means most of my day is just gogogo.

I think my plan is to find happiness in doing the things I love and in that endeavor it may bring me to cross paths with the person I should be with and not one I am settling for.

Good luck, champ.

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u/wizard_xtreme Oct 02 '22

But you can find some peace in dropping out

Ok, imma jump off a building

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u/Objective_Meet_3984 Oct 02 '22

How are you so sorted out. I want to think like you!

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u/brians1012 Oct 02 '22

Same... depressing.

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u/Objective_Meet_3984 Oct 02 '22

Virtually triple tapping everyone here <3

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u/XvXD34DP00LXvX Oct 02 '22

Much better than the traditional double tap

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u/loveliboi Oct 02 '22

People have different love languages :) They may not verbalize it or show it in other ways you expect, but they love you just as much as you do!

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u/HotConstruct Oct 02 '22

Came here to say this. I’m physically affectionate and verbal and the listen to your problems type, my husband is a provider and problem solver who needs hugs and affirmation. I see the affirmation in his actions and don’t need to hear it. If I say “I’m going to get water” if I accidentally wake him up, by the time I’m out of the bathroom there is a cold bottle on my nightstand. If I say “I’m feeling hormonal today” he comes home with my favorite candy, a couple of cokes, and tampons; been that way for over 20 years. We understand how each other communicate and balance each other. It’s pretty great.

Nice to see a positive comment from someone who understands this

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u/Rugkrabber Oct 02 '22

My father never really says it. But he shows it. I can call him right now to drive me anywhere. I can ask him to fix whatever. When I was a kid and it rained like hell he’d call me at school if he had to pick me up (I had to bike home 45min). He did it all as if he wasn’t busy at work all the time. He always risked his job to help us. He offers it even when nobody asked. He helps my mother with anything. He’s constantly working but his love language is doing. He wants to be the one that makes happiness. Nothing happens if you do nothing, so let’s make it happen. He’s a great person.

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u/ManOfEating Oct 02 '22

Same here, I wish my sisters could see it this way, they've gotten a bit cold and resentful of him because he never says it, and since that's how they show love, that's how they think they should receive it. But if one of their cars breaks down, he drives here from another country to fix it, when one of them announced she was pregnant, she was so angry that he didn't say "congratulations I love you" but the very next day he started building a cradle for the baby and got her a whole ton of baby clothes, diapers, toys, anything you can think of a baby ever wanting or needing he got that times 3. I just hope one day they can see how great of a person and great of a dad he is. What's baffling to me is they think he's not a sentimental person but he's probably the most sentimental person I know lol, his dad made him a desk once, and he kept the wood from that and used it for some of the furniture in the house (they're both carpenters), a drawer/display thing he had made my sisters is what he used for the wood on the cradle, little things like that he's doing all the time and they somehow think he's not sentimental at all lol.

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u/Rugkrabber Oct 02 '22

Maybe try to explain this to them. Tell them ‘but he was there. Every single time. Over and over again. Close your ears and look. People can say anything, they can also lie and make you think they care. But do they also show that love? Dad might not say it. But he shows it.”

Please try to tell them. It would be so sad if they cannot see his love. I had to learn it as well. Somebody had to tell me to look, and not to only listen. It’s what taught me to see people who lie as well. How they say one thing ‘I miss you!’ But never took effort to see me, I had to go to them every time again. If my dad misses me he comes to me. It’s easy to miss the signals and take it for granted. I hope you help your sisters by showing them what they got.

Also bless him. He sounds wonderful.

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u/jackelfrink Oct 02 '22

Just in case someone here has never heard the term "love language" before, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Five_Love_Languages

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u/MomoBawk Oct 02 '22

Adding as well: For a lot of ND people they end up showing love by penguin pebbling.

They give a small gift because it made them think of you, they bring up a topic they read about because they know you enjoy the topic, even sharing memes, or photos of pets can be considered penguin pebbles.

In practice the gestures probably are similar to the “three taps” that this post is talking about. Small little things that can be as easily overlooked as a pebble.

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u/Fauxreigner_ Oct 02 '22

Also parallel play, where you're in the same space but doing your own thing. Kind of like how a cat might not come up to you and want attention but will always just happen to be in the same room as you. My partner does this one a lot.

Infodumping, where you talk enthusiastically at length about one of your special interests (I do this a lot), or encourage someone else to do so.

And the classic "please hug me as hard as possible and crush my soul back into my body"

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u/AbbyM1968 Oct 02 '22

Whenever you & your SO have different love languages, you need to open your eyes & ears. Do they say, "Drive safe" when you go somewhere? Do they get angry about you spending money on something you enjoy? (That they don't) Do they do little things, like making sure your gas tank is full, or oil changed? Do they make sure you always have toll money? Sometimes, other "little things" carry as much meaning as constantly hugging, or saying, "I love you."

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u/arturovargas16 Oct 02 '22

Growing up as a guy, you learn and are taught to just never show emotions. If you feel it, you hide it and move on. I am glad this generation is handling such things more different than mine.

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u/notyouraveragecrow Oct 02 '22

Still, a lot of that remains, sadly. I'm currently on a very uncomfortable and painful path of learning to open up to people as I became incredibly emotionally closed throughout my childhood. It's still a huge problem but it does seem to be getting better.

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u/tacobellcircumcision Oct 02 '22

I got beat for showing emotions, I'm not even just talking about the household it was even at school too.

Made me way more emotional than I would've been and also incredibly closed off.

Learning to open up was basically having my first close relationship, ever. I'm still on the road to opening up but I'm actually closing off more and more now that that close relationship has ended. It definitely seems to be a universally male issue in our culture. It was so bad it felt too vulnerable to even speak at all.

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u/notyouraveragecrow Oct 02 '22

Now that's really bad :( All the best, friend. We can do this.

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u/medusa_crowley Oct 02 '22

Good for you for being willing to be vulnerable and open up ❤️ Not enough men are willing to take that scary leap. And it will get better, your life will get magnitudes better.

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u/findingbezu Oct 02 '22

As a single dad i made the effort to hug my sons every morning and to tell them I love them periodically. Now that i’m 50+ and they’re in their 20s, it still happens when they’re home. I’m probably a lackluster parent in other ways but I nailed that part of it.

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u/OKredditor8888 Oct 02 '22

Yeah I do this with my son as well. He's about to turn 9. Hugs all the time, saying I love you and things like that. My dad was big on that stuff and I'm so glad.

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u/Hobgoblin1967 Oct 02 '22

Im 21,had a single dad. I can count the on one hand the number of times he's said he loved me, was proud of me, or missed me. I don't think you're a lackluster parent if the idea that you could be even crosses your mind. You sound like a great father

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u/WildDumpsterFire Oct 02 '22

I used to volunteer at a youth athletics league that coached boxing and wrestling. Took a long time to get some of those young people to open up. A lot of the young men in those places had similar things to say.

Another very common one is how many focused on that phrase when they were used or betrayed. They'd shell up around that phrase because it was a phrase they felt was weaponized against them by family members and friends and discarded when they were no longer of use or a benefit to those people.

For young women this was openly devastating and carried damage for years and it felt like it damaged women's ability to trust more than anything else as they heal. For men it had other effects because they felt they couldn't verbalize it. So they continue to feel more and more trapped unable to deal with it. For men it seemed these issues damaged their ability to openly love more than others.

It's very sad.

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u/medusa_crowley Oct 02 '22

Your level of empathy is really lovely. Thank you for doing things like that.

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u/stephendub Oct 02 '22

Thank you for your insights, Mr. DumpsterFire.

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u/RampSkater Oct 02 '22 Wholesome

I think Kurt Vonnegut summed it up very well.

“If somebody says 'I love you' to me, I feel as though I had a pistol pointed at my head. What can anybody reply under such conditions but that which the pistol holder requires? 'I love you, too'.”

It's been a while since I read it, but his novel, Slapstick, addresses this idea. Two siblings, Wilbur and Eliza, discuss it early in their lives. Much later, Eliza becomes angry with Wilbur and starts to leave when he tells her, "I love you.", and she responds with, "I love you too." The context is extremely well done because it's a clear "fuck you" and Wilbur knows it.

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u/wrr377 Oct 02 '22

Communication isn't always just about talking... ❤️

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u/Ririchya Oct 02 '22

Communication comes in many different ways

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u/DandyBean Oct 02 '22

Farting in one's face is a mating call after all.

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u/just_fish_ass Oct 02 '22

MY MOM WAS TRYING TO MATE WITH ME???!! WTF!?!?

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u/CantaloupeMoney9906 Oct 02 '22

If you think about it talking is the least ingrained form of speech because we discovered it last.

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u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

My husband and I do the same exact thing! Right down to responding in our sleep. Although we're both very verbally affectionate as well, for us it started because we wanted to say "I love you" in public situations where we couldn't speak out loud.

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u/Basil0525 Oct 02 '22

Same thing for my partner and I. I’m physically affectionate and he’s very much not. For quite a while I felt very insecure about if he loved me for not, but I eventually learnt that he just expresses his love differently. Being able to share with each other how we individually express love has helped immensely.

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u/riacosta Oct 02 '22

This reminds me to this beautiful but sad story. My exgirlfriend’s dad had the same thing with my ex’s mom. 3 squeezes while holding hands meant “I love you”. They were in their 50s when he had a stroke. It was really bad so in the hospital he was tubed and semi-unconscious in his bed. He had to get a mayor brain surgery in the next hour and we didn’t know if he would survive. All his family was there with him and my ex’s mom was holding his hand unsure if he was conscious of the situation. Suddenly she felt 3 squeezes. She started crying and hugging him knowing that it meant he was still there and he loved her. He didn’t survived the surgery so that was the last time he ever said to her wife he loved her. It’s a pretty sad story but I also find it very beautiful.

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u/SoulSleuth Oct 02 '22

SO WHOLESOME 🥹❤️

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u/evilbrent Oct 02 '22

Remind me of the Roseanne episode where Jackie dragged her husband to therapy because she thought they were doomed because he would never open up to her on a deeper level.

The therapist got them to write their sexual fantasy/s down, and she'd come with a long list and he just had "having sex in bed with Jackie" even the therapist mad at him until he said "no really. That's my wildest fantasy, and it's already come true, and it keeps on coming true" and Jackie melted and their marriage was saved.

This while time there wasn't any deeper level to the husband, because the person he was being with Jackie was already the best version of his life.

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u/52Hz_Whale Oct 02 '22

My husband and I have the same three-squeezes signal, plus a few others.

Three hand squeezes means "I love you." We do this all the time.

Four hand squeezes means "Are you OK?" We use this to silently check in on each other in social situations. (We're both introverts and sometimes we get overwhelmed.)

A single hand squeeze means "Yes" when it follows the four hand squeezes question.

Five hand squeezes means "Get me out of here." Luckily we don't have to use this one much, but it helps both of us to know that we can whenever we need to.

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u/ChemistHorror Oct 02 '22

Omg me and my partner have such a similar code!

1 squeeze is ‘I’m here’ almost a reassurance thing. 2 squeezes is ‘I love you’ and the longer or harder the squeeze, the harder the love of that particular moment. 3 squeezes is ‘look at me’, maybe one of us wants to show the other something or just exchange a smile.

We also do it with a hand on a leg while driving perhaps or on he will do it on my shoulders while he stands behind me at a concert or something.

It’s so wholesome to see others have this way do communication also!

Sorry for bad formatting - using phone.

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u/Rich_Nobody_1669 Oct 02 '22

Eric Stewart of 10CC wrote a song when his wife complained that he didn’t say “I love you” much, after being married for 8 years. It was released in 1975. They are still married to this day. Give it a listen. https://youtu.be/STugQ0X1NoI

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u/just_fish_ass Oct 02 '22

Hot damn, thanks for reminding me this song exists. Unrelated to the lyrics, it's just a phenomenal listen.

BUT, I appreciate your comment for giving its lyrics some meaning to me.

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u/IncreaseFluffy688 Oct 02 '22

He wrote it for his wife of eight years? I don't get it, then... it's a song about how he's not in love and this is just a phase and don't tell your friends? I always figured he wrote it about some non-relationship that had passed. If this is true it's incredibly depressing

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u/fsunderp Oct 02 '22

After seeing this post a few years back, my wife and I implemented and extended that system.

One - yes Two - no Three - I love you Four - I love you more! Five - I want to go home Six - we will get through this Seven and eight - no idea anymore Nine - it’s the cat’s fault

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u/Zahkhy Oct 02 '22

Around 4 Years ago I found this post. I'm not very expressive, for lack of a better explanation; words get "stuck" in my head because there are too many of them. My girlfriend was increasingly unhappy because of my lack of expression. But then I told her about this, and for us it became 3 gentle squeezes: it genuinely saved our relationship. And earlier this year we even squeezed in those squeezes as we said our "I do's"!

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u/cheeseyszx Oct 02 '22

I have a friend group if about 7-8 people who have known each other for at least 3 years or more some almost 10 and we are mostly guys but there isn't a day that goes by that if we talk in any matter be it through xbox discord or in person the conversations are always ended with both people saying "much love". I grew up in a family that while disfunction, verbal affection was normal for day to day life and its really nice to have friends who feel the same way

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u/2368Freedom Oct 02 '22

How right you are. Its one of my proudest moments, that a taught my dearest Dad how to Hug. I always knew he loved me, but he had difficulty for years in physically expressing that love. I come from two Parents who had difficulties with showing overt displays of affection...yet i was born a Hugger. Over the decades my Partners were ,by turns, embarrassed & even made jealous by my hugging. Most wanted me to cease it altogether. Back to Dad. Both his Parents (for different reasons were cold fish emotionally). I discussed with Dad my wish to Hug him sometimes, rather than a brisk handshake or hand signal. Bit by bit when I'd go to visit him or vice-versa he'd tentatively hug me quickly, back slap included. Over time he mellowed. He'd suffered through & beaten two bours with cancer. During that time i lessened the hugs or made them very light. After he beat his second cancer, he came to see me; to stay for a few days. The door entry went, I buzzed him in. I opened the door, Dad dropped his little suitcase and gave me the most life-affirming long Hug. Ever after that, on seeing eachother he'd be the first to hug. Its one of my proudest achievements in life. Hugs ARE important. I know that now, as sadly after all my years of Hugging, I have no one left to Hug re a Partner or Parent.

HUGS : ENJOY THEM WHILE YOU CAN.

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u/jay_22_15 Oct 02 '22

People need to know the 5 love languages.

Love language #1: Words of affirmation.

Love language #2: Acts of service.

Love language #3: Gifts.

Love language #4: Quality time.

Love language #5: Physical touch.

Keep in mind that what you send may not be what you also prefer to receive.

For example I prefer receiving words and touch but communicate with touch and acts.

I'm aware of how important verbal is for almost everyone but have a really hard time giving it.

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u/blueteapot210 Oct 02 '22

Thank you for this.

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u/majin-canon Oct 02 '22

Yea made me smile...

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u/clisterdelister Oct 02 '22

As someone with mostly unnoticeable autism, I have similar responses with my wife and kids. It’s not that I can’t or won’t tell them, but using words is not my first response.

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u/problematicpasnetti Oct 02 '22

My husband does this too!!! Sometimes he will squeeze my hand over and over as to say “I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you” lol

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u/Alex5331 Oct 02 '22

I love this. As a therapist, I tell couples to look at how your partner says "I love you" in a language different than than your own (tip of the hat to the book "Love Languages"). Are they filling up your car with gas? Buying your mother that birthday gift?, etc. But this story is especially beautiful because this couple found a way to translate his language into hers and she found a way to hear it clearly despite the fact that maybe he had a metaphorical "accent and grammar different from her own language" She didn't say, "If you can tap, why can't you say three little words?!" She got him. He also heard her story and, although it was funny for him to say the words into the air (for whatever reason), he felt the love for her and he felt how important it was to her to "hear" it in some way. Neither was petty nor shaming. They respected that they were different and each built a bridge to the other until they met in the middle. Just breathtaking.

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u/XvXD34DP00LXvX Oct 02 '22

My mom and stepfather do this thing in the car where they nudge elbows and smile and i bet this is it

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u/A-Typical-Artist Oct 02 '22

Wow, I never even considered that other people might do this too. My husband and I use this as well. Any time I feel one squeeze anywhere on my body my mind immediately attunes to it and I feel when he does the next two, no matter what I'm doing.

To add to it, the one who receives the three taps or squeezes gives four back for "I love you too." It never fails to make me melt. ♡

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u/Trojanwhore69 Oct 02 '22

My husband and I do this, it came about from when I'd be on the brink of falling asleep and he'd say I love you and I'd literally not have the energy to speak so I did taptaptap

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u/notyouraveragecrow Oct 02 '22

I remember seeing this post a long time ago and adopting that practice with my girlfriend. I now instinctively do it whenever I can!

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u/RobDParry Oct 02 '22

I never got to meet my fathers’ father. But I experienced this because if him…maybe a silent man code but it always brought a smile to my face

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u/TwistingTale Oct 02 '22

This is something my wife and I do. We’re both autistic so we developed the three taps/squeezes thing to communicate love and support when words are too hard. Now it’s a daily part of our lives however we’re feeling

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u/HonkForTheDong Oct 02 '22

Plot twist: dude has parkinsons

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u/HallowskulledHorror Oct 02 '22

My spouse and I were at an event where we went in with the intent that by the time things really got rolling, we'd be baked as fuck, tripping balls, and probably have a hard time communicating verbally because of these things in addition to the sheer noise and chaos of the crowd and environment.

We decided to work out a series of hand signals - things to quickly and nonverbally say through touch, "I need to find a quiet space/I need air/I'm about to have a bad time," "I'm having a bad time" being the two big important ones. But we decided we also wanted a few that meant things like "I love you" and "I'm having a really excellent moment."

"Excellent moment" worked out to be any length of a series of rapid hand squeezes - and it has carried through in the years after. Sitting side by side in our kayaks enjoying silence on a lake in the woods as birds and dragonflies swoop around us. Standing in a field with our bikes under the sun. Hand in hand at the mall, the store, just out on a walk - sitting together on the couch watching videos. Squeeze-squeeze-squeeze-squeeze-squeeze

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u/El_Zapp Oct 02 '22

The husband doesn’t because society has forced him to become an emotional cripple. I mean cool that they found a way around that, but unless we start teaching boys that it’s OK to have emotions we aren’t going to get far.

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u/Dudeboy1103 Oct 02 '22

Rap Tap Tap

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u/Katcchan Oct 02 '22

This gives me good feels. 🥰

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u/Bucktabulous Oct 02 '22

I verbally express love to my wife and dogs all the time. This is significant because I do not do this with or for anyone else, largely. For me, saying "I love you," is always a big deal, and saying it when I don't mean it is weirdly super hard for me.

Love languages are a very interesting field of study.

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u/Pharrside Oct 02 '22

My partner and I do this! It’s not because of a lack of vocalizing for us though. Sometimes you’re out with friends, at a movie, in a loud area, etc and it’s an easy way to say I love you. I was doing this to her before I even officially said it for the first time. I was telling her I loved her for 3 months before I said anything

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u/ouzo84 Oct 02 '22

I ask my wife if I can get her anything or do anything for her, that’s how I tell her that I love her, because I want her to be happy.

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u/Slow_Row4988 Oct 02 '22

update: for the last 3 days i'm only getting one tap back. What does that mean??

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u/kaiju-cock Oct 02 '22

When I poke my gfs butthole it means I love her

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u/No_Ferret_5441 Oct 02 '22

And he has the best excuse to finish early every time its because he loves you 😂

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u/Joey_The_Bean_14 Oct 02 '22

As someone with selective mutism, this means a lot. It's hard to say things sometimes, but that doesn't mean I don't want to say them. People think I come off as cold and unloving, but that's because I can't find the strength to say what I want. It's really awesome that some people have this level of communication. It means a lot more than some people may realize.