r/OldSchoolCool Oct 02 '22

1989 The Jerky Boys

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[removed] — view removed post

456 Upvotes

90

u/jbeezy1989 Oct 02 '22

Good one, sizzlechest.

36

u/K-Kraft Oct 02 '22

That's right tough guy. I'll hit him over the head with my ratchet.

33

u/jbeezy1989 Oct 02 '22

Better bring all your shoes and all your glasses.

23

u/doctor-rumack Oct 02 '22

So I have them.

4

u/4reddityo Oct 02 '22

Lolol

5

u/Alain444 Oct 02 '22

Hey, I'm good like that

9

u/C0meAtM3Br0 Oct 02 '22

You never know. You never never know

4

u/Ambitious_Ad_9637 Oct 02 '22

“I’ll rat ya in the head with a fukin ratchet “

14

u/a_stoic_sage Oct 02 '22

Thanks there, nipplechops! Now...

GET BRETT WEIR, I SAID!!

3

u/STA_Alexfree Oct 02 '22

What do you got corncobs between your ears?!?

68

u/Galactic_Patrick Oct 02 '22

Frank Rizzo, R I ZZ O

4

u/LawDog_1010 Oct 02 '22

GET BRETT WEIR I SAID!!

3

u/Motochapstick Oct 02 '22

they were tan, sandalwood.... whatever the fuck you guys call them. here's the problem jerky, half of them are broken!

14

u/IMASOFAKINGPUMAPANTS Oct 02 '22

"To wake me up this morning my motha' poured hot grease on my face, ass, and genitals. Then I fell down the stairs and my shoes came off!"

"Sir. I don't know how this is relevant to..."

"Because I can't see dammit!"

9

u/4reddityo Oct 02 '22

“Should I bring my glasses?” Funniest call ever

4

u/LawDog_1010 Oct 02 '22

“So I have them”

55

u/photonsintime Oct 02 '22

Oh, man. Used to just sit in the car with friends listening to this shit. So good.

Sue everybody!

18

u/mule_roany_mare Oct 02 '22

Same.

I had no idea this was released in 89 though. It felt new almost 10 years later... Being old is bullshit

4

u/turdferguson3891 Oct 02 '22

It wasn't. It came out in 1993. They were doing bootlegs for years before that and were on the Howard Stern show but the actual official album did not come out in 89.

8

u/ExRockstar Oct 02 '22

My bootleg was dubbed / copied so many times on cassette you had to throw the volume up to 11 and lean in to the speakers to hear.

Good times.

2

u/council2022 Oct 02 '22

I worked at WEA in 89, we distributed a jerky boys album.

3

u/STA_Alexfree Oct 02 '22

This was my Dad and I’s go-to for road trips. Still to this day we mainly communicate in Jerky Boys quotes

2

u/Tensionheadache11 Oct 02 '22

For punitive damages sir

1

u/klemthom Oct 02 '22

Happy cake day!

1

u/MCKBLAKE Oct 02 '22

Same here

11

u/senorbozz Oct 02 '22

My family is dying and you're talking about a COUPON??

24

u/Willing_Effective_20 Oct 02 '22

I got these Mexicans on my roof slapping hot tar on each other lol classic

5

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

I can’t have that!

6

u/mic-drop21 Oct 02 '22

This problems been going on for years now, ya know what I’m sayin? The rain comes in, like buckets on my Fukkin head. It’s getting out of line now.

2

u/cardino11 Oct 02 '22

I lose it anytime I hear any references to this. Absolute gold.

30

u/4reddityo Oct 02 '22

I lost my glasses

12

u/Galactic_Patrick Oct 02 '22

And shoes.

10

u/klemthom Oct 02 '22

My name Sol, Sol Roseburg. I'll be sure to bring all my shoes, and glasses.

4

u/KielbasaPosse Oct 02 '22

Lmfao. This is one of my favorite skits. My CoD name is Sol Rosenberg. I fuck with people on the mic alot. But the younger crowd mistakes him for the Hot 97 NY hip hop DJ

2

u/klemthom Oct 02 '22

LMFAO Those tapes were passed around, in the Army like crazy. Everyone knew the Jerky Boys bits. You could stand in the barracks and yell "Hey Sizzle chest!", And motherfuckers would call back to you as different characters. We were in Mosul Iraq in 04-05 and were still listening to that shit!

22

u/sdrowkcabdelleps Oct 02 '22

I start tomorrow

9

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

Wait…I gotta hire you first, guy!

25

u/Stonetown_Radio Oct 02 '22

I want to laugh, the way I laughed, the first time I heard this.

19

u/carldeanson Oct 02 '22

I am the Egyptian Magician

6

u/Gottagettagoat Oct 02 '22

I punch my chest and it disappears into the crowd!

3

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

In your country, that’s considered magic.

2

u/Ambitious_Ad_9637 Oct 02 '22

I have mountain cat

6

u/mizezslo Oct 02 '22

THE EGYPTIAN MAGICIAN?

6

u/Economy_Influence_92 Oct 02 '22

Pieces? I’m talking pounds baby!

14

u/AMKcontracting1 Oct 02 '22

He beat me all about the head and neck……..

6

u/roy-dam-mercer Oct 02 '22

The crowd seemed to love it.

11

u/black-rhombus Oct 02 '22

I still can't believe that Radiohead titled their first album after something in a Jerky Boys skit. Pablo Honey. Seems like two groups of people that couldn't be more different.

7

u/mizezslo Oct 02 '22

Please come back to Florida.

2

u/Finrod_the_awesome Oct 02 '22

Pablo.,You...you bastard you..come back to Florida.

3

u/roy-dam-mercer Oct 02 '22

Are you washing your asscrack, Pablo?

3

u/Umbert360 Oct 02 '22

Keep it clean, honey?

3

u/thorenv Oct 02 '22

I had no idea! But I did know they named themselves after the character in the Talking Heads movie: True Stories. So irreverent humor is probably their thing?

1

u/DC_Farmboy Oct 02 '22

Was it the character or the song? Not much difference I guess. Love that quirky little movie.

1

u/thorenv Oct 03 '22

Not sure. Probably just the overall vibe.

1

u/Butthole_Surprise17 Oct 02 '22

Slowdive also named their (fantastic) album Souvlaki after the Jerky Boys line… “she’ll suck your cock like souvlaki.” The Jerky Boys must have been big in the UK.

18

u/shaundisbuddyguy Oct 02 '22

I fell down the stairs and my shoes fell off

2

u/doctor-rumack Oct 02 '22

Well my head was bashed apart.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

Do any old timers remember John Musacha, the third Jerky Boy? He was on the bootleg tapes, but was cut out of the commercial releases. Always seemed to me that he was way more of an asshole than the other two.

4

u/dinkle-stinkwinkle Oct 02 '22

I do wheelies right through the fuckin thing

4

u/sithlink Oct 02 '22

She kicked my dog!!!!!

1

u/toyotascion29 Oct 02 '22

YOU KNOW DAMN RIGHT!

4

u/dratsablive Oct 02 '22

Should I bring my fucking tools?

12

u/Splat_2112 Oct 02 '22

Frank Rizzo. I bring my f'n tools, I start today.

4

u/BartholomewBandy Oct 02 '22

Do I get an assistant? He’s not your son is he, I fucked the last one up.

7

u/Lookalikemike Oct 02 '22

That tape circled the globe.

10

u/K-Kraft Oct 02 '22

Tan, sandlewood, whatever the fuck you guys call it.

6

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

Fuckin’ half of these things are busted! And I gotta job to do!

11

u/roy-dam-mercer Oct 02 '22

It’s tearin’ the ass outta me!

These doctors, are they reputable?

5

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

Sir, would you please use the proper terminology?

1

u/Lensmaster75 Oct 02 '22

They’re not going to use a hot poker

6

u/Greatmuta102568 Oct 02 '22

My best friend was the stand in for the non Indian guy, can’t remember his name. He said the two guys hated each other at that point. As soon as a scene was over they would walk off in opposite directions.

7

u/dmah2004 Oct 02 '22

Listened to this for the first time while driving. Has to pull over, literally could not see through the tears of laughter.

1

u/Robotech9 Oct 02 '22

Same. For Uncle Freddy.

3

u/NewsZilla Oct 02 '22

Frank Rizzo. R. I. Z. Z. O!!!!!!

3

u/MCKBLAKE Oct 02 '22

Sol Rosenberg, please thank you

3

u/Phernaldo Oct 02 '22

Frank Rizzo

3

u/mgw783 Oct 02 '22

And the "shoes and glasses" character was the only one to survive. "Mort Goldman"

2

u/STA_Alexfree Oct 02 '22

Mort is a pale imitation of the god Sol Rosenberg

3

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

I had the original jerky boys on cassette tape. With the original phone numbers and names. Nothing with blocked. And I lost it. It also had the original tube bar calls too.

1

u/pangaea1972 Oct 02 '22

I had a dub of the original jerky boys tape with the mark knopfler tapes on the other side. I didn't hear about the tube bar tapes until 'Red' came out.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

A college friend was from northern jersey. And I guess he was close with the Red Tube Bar guys. So he gave me the original jerky boys and tube bars. It was awesome. I wish I still had them. The jerky tapes had all The original phone numbers and names.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

My family is dying and you talk about coupon?!?!

3

u/Finrod_the_awesome Oct 02 '22

"He put me under sedation. I wake up my pants are unbuttoned my..teeth..gum is dripping blood."

10

u/TheoryResponsible210 Oct 02 '22

Shut it down Mike! SHUT IT DOWN! Yeah you guys sell awnings?

3

u/player1242 Oct 02 '22

WATCH HIS FUCKIN LEGS MIKE

1

u/LawDog_1010 Oct 02 '22

BRING IT BACK!

9

u/Idontfeelold-much Oct 02 '22

My dogs stuck in the piano. He’s bite’n and snapp’n, he hates me I beat him.

3

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

Um…I am not on call, like a doctor…

8

u/Themo77 Oct 02 '22

“Brett Weir, i said !”

6

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

AND DON’T MAKE ME COME DOWN FOR YOU EITHER, TOUGH GUY!

7

u/Alexdagreallygrate Oct 02 '22

Album was released in April 1993.

4

u/4reddityo Oct 02 '22

They rebased their mixtape years before 93

-2

u/klsi832 Oct 02 '22

Appropriate username

7

u/Chaiteoir Oct 02 '22

"Sol. I said Sol Rosenberg. And my mother's name is Gimpy. You know. It's not very nice but, what is she gonna do about it?"

6

u/dukeraoul14 Oct 02 '22

UNCLE FREDDIE DIED?!?!

5

u/C0meAtM3Br0 Oct 02 '22

And now you wanna kill me too!

4

u/4reddityo Oct 02 '22

You killed him!!!

6

u/badforman Oct 02 '22

Pablo?

4

u/Calm_One_1228 Oct 02 '22

Pablo, honey , come back to Florida …

3

u/badforman Oct 02 '22

Are you washing your ass?

4

u/mizezslo Oct 02 '22

You keep yourself clean?

5

u/BartholomewBandy Oct 02 '22

Coupon? Coupon? What can I do for you sir? Shut the fuck up!

3

u/MKnight8 Oct 02 '22

My daughters are throwing up!! Look at your fucking food!!!

3

u/Tokyosmash Oct 02 '22

Up and down and speedin’ all over

3

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

No one’s hurt extremely bad. A few breaks and things.

3

u/Tokyosmash Oct 02 '22

Dude who downvoted me 😂

3

u/Various_Cricket4695 Oct 02 '22

Pounds, baby! Pounds!

3

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

What are we gonna talk about pay? TALK TO ME, CHIEF!

2

u/SabineLavine Oct 02 '22

I remember listening to this after doing bong hits. I laughed so hard I almost puked.

2

u/Curtainmachine Oct 02 '22

This is Pico. You gonna make a hair? Put it on my head?

2

u/r57022 Oct 02 '22

First cd is classic.

2

u/Ambitious_Ad_9637 Oct 02 '22

“Listen Jerky…”

2

u/Dazzling-Astronaut88 Oct 02 '22

The super across the way

6

u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

I punch my chest and it disappears

3

u/MKnight8 Oct 02 '22

And the tiger mauls me on the stage.

5

u/saucyfister1973 Oct 02 '22

"The snake...it bit me in the eye!"

5

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

Poison eye! Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo…

3

u/ajhart86 Oct 02 '22

I have lawn chairs

3

u/Gottagettagoat Oct 02 '22

It’s called a weed whacker. It’s a whacker for weeds.

1

u/MortgageCharacter792 Oct 02 '22

Where are they located?

1

u/ajhart86 Oct 02 '22

Oh, in any store, pretty much

1

u/MortgageCharacter792 Oct 02 '22

I want to come see them.

3

u/whyamihere327 Oct 02 '22

A lot of these calls still stand the test of time . The ogs of prank calls .

2

u/C0meAtM3Br0 Oct 02 '22

They all do

3

u/Evilbidowner Oct 02 '22

My father used to play these tapes (yes tapes) in the car with us on the way to school. And we would laugh and laugh and laugh! Now, looking back, maybe not the best thing to play for kids under 7.

2

u/Gruesslibaer Oct 02 '22

"I went to the Empire State Building. I went to the observatory but because of these glasses, I can't see, goddammit."

2

u/Slisse66 Oct 02 '22

i work on racecars, for 18 years !

2

u/heavy_metal_man Oct 02 '22

And I'll bring my shoes

3

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

And my glasses. So I have them.

2

u/DayToDayIsTheWay Oct 02 '22

Uncle Freddy?

2

u/minnesotajersey Oct 02 '22

“It’s a weedwhacker. A whacker for weeds. It’s in my attic” “Where’s that?” “The top of my house, by the roof”

2

u/Spindlebrook Oct 02 '22

You know when you finish the toilet paper, the empty tube? Like that, about that size.

1

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

It’s big. And my hand does not look good!

2

u/Seattleisonfire Oct 02 '22

I used to wrap my friends in plastic and beat them with a stick.

3

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

For a nightclub gig.

2

u/rust1112 Oct 02 '22

A coupon? A rebate? Fuck youuuuu

4

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

My friend, this is not good business!

2

u/mizezslo Oct 02 '22

OH MY EYE!

1

u/iateurbacon Oct 02 '22

Watch out for piss clams...

3

u/doctor-rumack Oct 02 '22

He rubbed sand baskets all over my assy nipples.

1

u/S_SubZero Oct 02 '22

To this day: “I have very good hands sir. Don’t make me use them on you.”

1

u/Jaydels Oct 02 '22

I love to Jeapordy baby... You remember that fuckin' song? Was big in the eighties...

3

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

You gotta be highly skilled for these fuckin’ shows!

4

u/oopstoolate Oct 02 '22

Alex Trebec is liable to hop over that podium and punch your fuckin' mouth loose!

1

u/janad1 Oct 02 '22

I loved this!!

1

u/Apprehensive_Oil4241 Oct 02 '22

Yer ad says Jacuzzi!

1

u/TheFrontierzman Oct 02 '22

I'll bring all my shoes and glasses.

1

u/TheSecondLesson Oct 02 '22

Does anyone know where I can find an archive of their albums (1-4)? I see some of them are still for sale here and there but they seem really expensive

4

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

All of their tracks are on YouTube.

1

u/jerkstore79 Oct 02 '22

Is the fat muffin man there ?

1

u/happyexit7 Oct 02 '22

My friends are I had this entire album memorized. So funny.

1

u/LurkysGoCart Oct 02 '22

Jerky!!!!!

1

u/midsizenun Oct 02 '22

I’ve been sending salamis to boys in the army ever since.

1

u/3nd1ess Oct 02 '22

"WARNING! THIS MAY OFFEND MOST PEOPLE"

1

u/C0meAtM3Br0 Oct 02 '22

🎵Two at a time for a dime🎵

1

u/ArtVandalay47 Oct 02 '22

Anybody see the horrible movie they did? It was so bad my girlfriend and I were the only 2 in the theater on a weeknight and even we walked out after awhile.

2

u/doctor-rumack Oct 02 '22

The best part was Ozzy Osbourne’s cameo. "The fuckin’ MONKEES?"

1

u/4reddityo Oct 02 '22

I haven’t seen it but it was on my list. Maybe I should remove it

1

u/ArtVandalay47 Oct 02 '22

I believe it only had a million dollar budget at the time it was made. And that isn't shit these days. My girlfriend and I found it boring and predictable.

1

u/Keefer1970 Oct 02 '22

I saw it, utterly forgettable aside from the Ozzy cameo.

1

u/AfterTemperature2198 Oct 02 '22

What's the apartment number? 1F. S as in Sam? No F as in fuck baby. Oh my God, I’m so sorry

1

u/Five2one521 Oct 02 '22

Should I bring my fuckin tools!!!!

1

u/foreordinator Oct 02 '22

Funniest part for me for sure is when the mobster kisses the ring of old mate and burns his head on the cigar lol

1

u/MKnight8 Oct 02 '22

My friend. You must turn down the music my friend.

1

u/1970sfanatic Oct 02 '22

My Dad ( born in 72) got me into these and they’re funny as fuck.

1

u/abslte23 Oct 02 '22

Didn't this have a 1-800 number inside to call and listen to jokes or something.

1

u/akrafty1 Oct 02 '22

And for an encore…

1

u/HowsYourClam Oct 02 '22

Saul, Saul Rosenberg

1

u/Listan83 Oct 02 '22

Remember getting all of these when I was a kid. Nothing beats good ole Roy D Mercer though

1

u/Jus10Bus10 Oct 02 '22

R I Z Z O

1

u/TextQueasy601 Oct 02 '22

Pieces, I'm talking pounds baby!

1

u/STA_Alexfree Oct 02 '22

We’re casting for flat-chested, tap dancing freaks!

1

u/parralaxalice Oct 02 '22

You said “dad” there, champ…

1

u/NegAm69420 Oct 02 '22

Frank Rizzo!!!

1

u/BTCisDeadAF Oct 02 '22

Frank.

FRANK RIZZO

1

u/KielbasaPosse Oct 02 '22

What do you know about the Hucklebuck?

1

u/dankzephyr Oct 02 '22

"the fucken monkeys?!!"

-6

u/donderchief Oct 02 '22

Not what this sub is about

-8

u/LowAdministration162 Oct 02 '22

My parents had this on cassette when I was a kid. We can just post album covers on here now?

-4

u/keelbreaker Oct 02 '22

Wait that's a real thing?

0

u/vicman86 Oct 02 '22

It’s just an idea, like in the box

0

u/NormalKook Oct 02 '22

“Go see these guys, grab 'em, and he's ahh, you know, he don't know if he wants to fuckin help you. You push his face right in the fucking list; you know, 'You tell me fuckin names or I'll break your fuckin head.”

3

u/TriTri14 Oct 02 '22

I had problems over there, Paul.