r/WitchesVsPatriarchy Oct 01 '22

What would you say are things that typically a misogynist man wouldn’t like in a woman physically appearance? Burn the Patriarchy

I am asking because I want to change my looks so those type of men don’t make gross comments to me anymore and I want that by just looking at me they know I am the type of woman that is going to call them out on their bullshit. Anything from head to toe , even nails, what do you think these type of men dislike and don’t approach ??? Going as far as color , textures , shape and size . I appreciate your help thank you

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u/A-typ-self Oct 01 '22 Silver Helpful Starstruck

My advice?

Dress the way you want. There is absolutely nothing you can do about your appearance to prevent the toxic misogyny that we experience.

It's not you, nothing you do is "attracting" the pigs. They are just pigs.

Think about all the comments directed at lesbians, women completely unavailable to them. They just don't shut up.

Dress whatever way makes YOU feel best. Walk with confidence, and practice giving the middle finger to the pigs of the world.

💕

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u/Daisy_Steiner_ Oct 02 '22

Agreed. I’ve been catcalled while wearing a literal comforter coat that completely disguised my body. It was beige. Doesn’t matter what you wear, at all. It’s about control.

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u/mini_beast Oct 02 '22

Got catcalled in brown scrubs once. 100% about power and making someone uncomfortable.

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u/GingerPhoenix Oct 02 '22

I feel you, I got catcalled in jeans, an oversize hoodie, and steel-toed boots. That was my uniform for engineering school, to be taken seriously as "one of the guys", though I did swap the sweatshirts for oversize T-shirts in warmer months. They find something to comment on, regardless.

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u/shellica Witch ♂️ Oct 02 '22

Got my drink drugged at a concert in a scene I used to trust to do better... I was 35, overweight, and wearing flowy tie die pants that show nothing of my figure, no makeup, and a damn hoodie. Fuck the patriarchy.

Edit: I'm a trans dude but didn't know it at the time so I was presenting as a woman.

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u/Revenant_Revna Oct 02 '22

Huh… I spent months wondering why on earth I got catcalled whilst wearing a mask and large sunglasses that completely hid my face, along with baggy clothing which completely covered my body and scraped back hair. This explains it!

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u/desert_deserter Oct 02 '22

Got super creepy-followed in a parking lot while dressed for my job, which at that time was scrubbing toilets and carpets full of dog piss. I looked awful and literally stank, still could not grab food on my way home without some asshole getting weird.

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u/Celany Oct 02 '22

Cat called while so sick I could barely walk straight - but had to go to the doctor for a damn note for work. I was greasy, covered in layers of sick-sweat, and wearing the grubbiest clothes. Still fucking cat called.

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u/littleray35 Oct 02 '22

yup got catcalled in my work uniform clothes (straight leg pants, boots, relaxed dri-fit polo) aka what the boys wear. they don’t get cat-called, though….

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u/eogreen Resting Witch Face Oct 02 '22

I was catcalled once at the grocery store in sweatpants and an XXL sweatshirt stained with breast milk, no bra because my milk-producing nipples were raging scars while buying nipple cream.

They have no empathy or shame. They’re just shitty pigs.

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u/IndianaNetworkAdmin Oct 02 '22

I came here to say this. I worked private security in a mall for a few years and the majority of calls from stores were due to creeps. A woman changing their appearance, their attitude, even their personal hygiene, it does not help. It just changes the focus of the comments for some of them.

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u/LadyJSenpai Oct 02 '22

I second this. Those types of men will never shut up. Their comments might be different by saying “thing is unattractive” or “this would be better”, but men always view us as something meant to be aesthetically pleasing to them. Even if you shaved your head and scarred up all your skin they will think you did it for a guy. It’s a toxic, narcissistic entitlement they have.

It’s better to just be you and do what you like. They shouldn’t be be taking any part in how you live your life or dress. Just tell them to fuck off.

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u/A-typ-self Oct 02 '22

I have purple hair, tattoos, and I dress how I like. Someone who feels entitled to make a comment is going to make it no matter what.

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u/StarshineSoul Oct 02 '22

Right? It feels you trade one set of comments for another. My hair is dark blue and I rock goth or gamer attire regularly.

I dont get "You should smile more." Anymore but I do get "You cant have a real job like that." Or "No one will tale you seriously."

Shrugs.

If I really want to be left alone while shopping I go for the most goth look I can with extra fun make up that matches my mask. Headphone in one ear. No one talks to me except the occasional kiddo or sales people doing their job.

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u/StripeyWoolSocks Oct 02 '22

Exactly. Ask fat women / femmes whether they are free from harassing comments. If you're unattractive to them, that's just another reason to harass because how dare you.

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u/lenny_ray Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

Yuppppp. If you're attractive to them, they will be creepy and gross. If you're not attractive to them, they will be cruel and gross, because how dare you not be attractive to them. Don't change yourself to try and change their behaviour. It's not worth it.

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u/A-typ-self Oct 02 '22

Don't change yourself to try and change their behaviour. It's not worth it.

Exactly!!!!!

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u/Anomaliie Oct 01 '22

Other than a shirt that says "Fck off" I totally agree with this lol

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u/Complex_Rip3130 Oct 01 '22

I agree with this. BUT I have noticed that any sort of “wild” “unnatural” hair color usually gets men to not say sexual things. But it does tend to let them think they should comment on your hair. There really is no win lol but dressing eccentric usually works. But a pig is gonna be a pig lol

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u/swampgirlsummer Oct 02 '22

Being fat has done the trick for me quite nicely. It’s like once you no longer make their dick hard you become invisible to them, and most men seem to find me invisible now.

I’m mostly okay with this ngl

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u/Nim000 Oct 02 '22

Getting old has worked for me. Same principle, and it's a relief to not have to deal with it anymore. I turned 50 and instantly invisible.

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u/Conscious-Charity915 Oct 02 '22

It worked for me to a point-but now I'm 65 and I suddenly have a bunch of old men bothering me when I go out. At least they can't chase me.

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u/pomewawa Oct 02 '22

Natural blonde here. Teenage years were rough. After 30, it’s so nice. I can friendly chat up strangers without people thinking it’s a sexual thing. So to all the teens and 20 year olds, it gets better (Meaning less unwanted attention)

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u/son4tine Oct 02 '22

Been fat all my life, crooked teeth too, big glasses, always dressed like a tomboy, wore make up maybe twice a year, and thought I was safe from all that shit. Yet, I still had creeps doing even worse than cat calls. Some being drunks and some just being obvious predators who just felt I was an insecure introvert. This happened in my college years as well as in my 30´s. (I’m 37 now.) Spent years hating myself for thinking I was safe and didn’t have to prepare/didn’t know how to react and just froze, letting things happen to me. I have since isolated myself ´cause I feel I can’t trust me to protect myself.

So I wouldn’t encourage ANY woman to think she can be safe from creeps/abusers/rapists though I know how terrifying it sounds...we should all be prepared and try to keep in mind that control is what turns them on.

Be safe everyone. 💪

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u/swampgirlsummer Oct 02 '22

I’m so sorry you’ve experienced that! You’re absolutely correct that no woman is ever guaranteed to be safe from horrible treatment from creeps.

I’ve been fat since childhood and I’ve definitely had my share of unpleasant to downright scary interactions with men. That being said, I gained a good bit more weight following some really difficult losses in my family and I noticed that, for me, once I got to a certain size/appearance I became invisible. I’m not saying this is necessarily better, because I feel invisible to damn near everyone. Customer service in stores, waitstaff in restaurants, strangers at meetups and in various social situations, sometimes even old “friends”.

I am losing weight for health reasons and I’m excited by the changes in my body because I am starting to be able to do more and I don’t have the pain that I was experiencing. But I am kind of nervous to become visible again, especially to men.

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u/cupcakefix Oct 02 '22

having weird moles on my face my entire life def helps, along with being over 30. I think only my son calls me pretty now lol!

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u/A-typ-self Oct 02 '22

I have purple hair, I'm 48 (although I pass for 30) and the hair hasn't stopped any comments. I also rarely wear any make up.

"Dressing like a feminist" (whatever the hell that means) doesn't stop the unwanted attention either. The only thing I have found is when I shut them down, they get angry. Which then escalates it.

So I dress the way I want.

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u/Complex_Rip3130 Oct 02 '22

Since high school I’ve done this fun thing where I just stare at people when they talk to me. Just a blank expression. And I keep it until they walk away. Just saying nothing. Plus always have the resting bitch face as well.

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u/Admirable-Course9775 Oct 02 '22

I love this. I’ll remember. It sounds very powerful. Wish I had thought of long ago. Thanks!

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u/LobsterSammy27 Oct 02 '22

I've done this too with a lot of success. Also, sometimes acting a little bit creepy back at them works too. Works really well on the subway, but the subway is a strange place to begin with...

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u/betzevim Oct 02 '22

So as a guy who struggles with social interaction sometimes, I should ask: I see people with interesting/impressive hair colors and styles sometimes, and I'll compliment them on it occasionally. Literally just "oh, I like your hair!" as I'm walking past them. Am I coming off as creepy? Or is that a fairly normal compliment to give?

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u/Tart_Cherry_Bomb Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

I’m an anxious airplane passenger. I need to get drunk typically to fend off an anxiety attack. One time when I was in my late 20s, after a flight with some significant turbulence, this older guy — probably late 40s or early 50s — said, “You have such pretty hair. I stared at it all during the flight and it helped me be calm.“ Normally, that would seem really creepy, but I recognized another nervous flier right then, and felt genuinely happy that I could help someone like me feel reassured because I know how much it can help to have a distraction. Still one of the best compliments I’ve ever had, and as a redhead, I deal with a bunch of predatory compliments from strange men.

In other words, we can tell a genuine compliment from a salacious one.

Edit: hit return before I finished typing

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u/DrLongivan Oct 02 '22

As a general rule, I think if you’re complimenting something someone chose (“i love your hair color”), and you mean it, and aren’t trying to use that as a line, it’s not creepy. That can be a genuine compliment. It’s at least far less creepy than commenting on a physical attribute (“ooh look at that ass”) - in part because you’re recognizing agency in addition to aesthetic, rather than reducing a person to an object.

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u/OhItsSav Oct 02 '22

In my experience I can tell when someone's being genuine. I think you'll be fine

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u/Complex_Rip3130 Oct 02 '22

As long as it’s a passing compliment it should be fine.

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u/Sheena_asd12 Oct 02 '22

Saying you like my outfit/hair/makeup is fine… but catcalling or taking my photo without my consent is not okay.

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u/Honest_Dark_5218 Oct 02 '22

I agree, your compliment sounds fine. It may have even made a few people’ days. I’ll add, try to take note if they look busy. If they’re reading/listening to something. If they’re in the middle of a conversation. I’ve had people approach me in these situations and even though a lot of the time it’s genuine, it can be annoying. Or embarrassing when I flinch because I have adhd and I was hyper focused.

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u/whosaidwhat_now Oct 02 '22

Agree. The one and only time I was propositioned I was wearing work boots, jeans and a turtle neck sweater. At 2 in the afternoon, walking down a residential street, I get a car swipe up and "Hey, are you working this block?". It's a them problem.

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u/Lyvectra Oct 02 '22

You can try what works for my autistic ass. Wear whatever you want, and then when you hear some guy make a comment, either (a) look around with genuine confusion as to where it came from, or (b) ignore it completely. Both of them tend to bring the person some sort of embarrassment for having said such a thing out loud, and they tend not to say it again. (And if they do say it again, ignore them like they’re a fly.)

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u/cupcakesprinkle Oct 02 '22

(Autistic person here). Lol I do this too - sometimes I literally think in my head "I don't have the energy or time to deal with this person" so they get ignored or blankly stared at. It seems to work. Another thing is to have a socially "weird" reaction like I tend to do accidentally, lol. One time someone made a sexual comment at me in public and I laughed and said "What?" and he got weirded out and walked off confused. I'm still baffled by that interaction because I was caught so off-guard but apparently he didn't expect me to laugh.

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u/No_Tank9025 Oct 02 '22

You short-circuited the reaction loop… they were expecting horror, or fear, and you reacted as though they were ridiculous…

Imagine they had brandished a weapon, and you had given them a confused laugh, as though it was completely incomprehensible how they thought they were a threat….

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u/Lyvectra Oct 02 '22

Oh is HORRIFIED supposed to be what you feel? I’ve been seeing more and more posts lately talking about being hit on in public, and the horror from NT reactions, and I’m like “hmm…never really had that problem.” It’s so ludicrously stupid in my mind that I’m like “Oh, a man-child. Grow up.” My brain doesn’t process horror, I think. These people just look stupid to me, and I guess it’s the lack of reaction that makes them realize how stupid they look. I always wondered why other women weren’t able to ignore it/laugh it off/got so freaked out. I understand it, intellectually. But never felt fear from it.

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u/enjoyt0day Oct 02 '22

“Nothing you do is ‘attracting’ the pigs. They are just pigs”. 1000000000000000%

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u/sweet_0blivion Oct 02 '22

100%. I've gone back to my tomboy roots lately, because I was tired of men projecting their completely-divorced-from-reality understanding of women onto me. Like, whatever you see when looking in my direction, it sure as fuck ain't me.

I'm now walking around with short hair and mens clothing, with a swagger. And what I have noticed is that men is still projecting onto me - only what they project has now changed.

Some, I believe, now see something that is closer to who I actually am. And it's nice. Most though, seem to react with fetishism. Wanting to make a strong woman submit to them, or wanting to be dominated by a strong woman.

In sum, I've learned it doesn't matter what you do. You can communicate clearly, in words, underlining with congruent messages through clothing, behaviour, tone, word-choice... none of it matters. They will see what they want to see, and reject all information that doesn't fit with their view. And then blame you when the illusion they crafted in their head is inevitably broken by the reality of you, if you are fooled into letting them into your life in the first place.

It's not you, it's them. They don't see you for who you are, only what they think you can be for them. Let them dig their own lonely graves, and go live your best life. Do what makes you happy. You will get comments no matter what. Either ignore them, or give a sardonically amused, wry smile and a pointed glance with an arched eyebrow - and then ignore them.

An entitled asshat loathes being denied what he believes is his rightful position in this world: dead centre. This is your best tool, use it.

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u/Seriously_Not_Here Oct 02 '22

With apologies to the 4 legged kinds of pigs.

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u/A-typ-self Oct 02 '22

Of course!!!!

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u/carmackie Oct 02 '22

Agree 100%. You can try to dress up like wallpaper and the AHs will still make their comments.

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u/Cinlynn1963 Oct 02 '22

Literally, got harassed wearing BDU's and combat boots, no makeup, hair under my hat. Doesn't matter what you're wearing, assholes are going to be asshoes.

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u/RegginaBradshaw Oct 02 '22

Yes!! Dress for yourself, work, exercise, do the things you like. Be cautious, and careful, but, be yourself.

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u/2IndianRunnerDucks Oct 02 '22

This is true, I was night clubbing in the late 1980’s and 1990’s I got sick of the comments about me and also sick of being man handled in crowded spaces. I started wearing ( I was a size 10) size 18 horrible op shop dresses not wearing any make what so ever and combat boots. I also cut my hair really short and dyed it black. The comments changed - I was still occasionally manhandled in crowded areas but not as much. But really you could be wearing those shroud things that some religious women wear and men would still make comments about you.

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u/Pupgradek9 Oct 02 '22

They just don't shut up.

The male condition lol. Perpetually vomiting out words.

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u/cloverthewonderkitty Forest Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Oct 01 '22

I have my hair cut in a fade...Men HATE it. I LOVE it.

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u/livejumbo Oct 02 '22

Also have a fade…quality men love it. The quantity down/quality up trends since I cut my hair this way have been remarkable.

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u/cloverthewonderkitty Forest Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Oct 02 '22

True that! My husband thinks I'm a fox with short hair

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u/No_Tank9025 Oct 02 '22

I also present myself in a way that seems to sort out folks with toxic and shallow values from other folks.

Posture and carriage, use of manners and language, wit, empathy… these are how I try to present…

Otherwise? “Scruffy-looking nerf-herder”… yep.

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u/theicecreamassassin Oct 02 '22

I grew up with a barber for a Dad who constantly went on and on about how men love long hair.

I have incredibly short hair. I just buzzed it again in May (on accident this time, wasn’t paying attention to the guard on the clippers!) but I definitely notice men just write me off. I appreciate that. 😂

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u/cloverthewonderkitty Forest Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Oct 02 '22

BUt yoU loOk sO preTty wiTh LoNg hAiR

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u/theicecreamassassin Oct 02 '22

Oh god how many times I heard and still hear this. shudder like… why do you care, Dad?

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u/AccidentalDM Oct 02 '22 Helpful

My partner used to say this…

Right up until he grew his hair out. He never tried to stop me from cutting my hair short, but he didn’t have the experience - prior to having long hair himself - to really understand just how much of a royal pain in the ass long hair can be.

Even the most empathetic person… you have to develop a library of experiences to extrapolate from.

———

A fun different example: I hadn’t been in the Appalachian Mountains in 30 years. I was 7 the last time I spent any time in that part of the USA. There is a very poignant song called “You’ll Never Leave Harlan Alive” that talks about how “the sun comes up/ about 10 in the morning/ and the sun goes down/ about 3 in the day/“ It didn’t seem quite real - that area is a low enough latitude that even in winter there should be more daylight than that. And yeah, ok - foldy, twisty mountains… but really? I live in a pretty flat part of the USA, and have been through the rockies and the cascades a couple times in the last few years.

If you’ve never been through the Appalachian Mountains… they’re pretty low - at least the parts In Tennessee and North Carolina that I visited this week. No snow on them, no tree line… but holy hell, some areas will drop 1500ft in the span of a couple miles. From midway up the mountains you often can’t even see the bottom of the ‘holler’ for all the vegetation and how narrow these valleys are. And then to get down in the hollers - these dense tunnels of trees that the road winds through, being only able to see a relatively small sliver of sky between the mountain ridges… sometimes you need to be somewhere to really understand at a visceral level what it’s like to just be in that environment. And that still doesn’t give you the full experience of living there where flash floods bring mudslides, and the barest hint of ice (since at least carolina/Tennessee are far enough south and low enough relative elevation that snow is this wet mushy stuff) makes the roads impassable, when you need every scrap of traction you can on a dry day to handle some of those back roads with 9% grades, or hairpin turns through the switchbacks.

Sorry for the sidequest there… I’m very sleep deprived, but I was just so touched by my recent trip. My families passed through that area, and I spent the better part of 4 or 5 summers traveling throughout the eastern US. Something about those mountains has a special place in my heart that calls to me.

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u/YarnAndMetal Oct 01 '22 Silver

What do misogynists dislike? Confidence.

That's why it doesn't matter how well put together you are, or aren't; they'll hate you anyway. Knowing that is freedom. Piss them off. Keep your head high.

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u/BornVolcano Gay Wizard of the DID System ☉♂️ Oct 02 '22

Absolutely this. Anything “attractive” to them and they’ll approach to hit on you. Anything “repulsive” to them and they’ll approach to criticize you. Confidence makes them feel threatened and insecure. They quickly move on.

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u/mochi_chan 3D Witch ♀ Oct 02 '22

This is so true. They get very intimidated very quickly, and I would rather have them be scared of me, than just keep saying things about how I look. (I know they have a lot to say about what I look like, I can see them staring)

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u/CypressBreeze Gay Witch ♂️ Oct 02 '22

What do misogynists dislike? Confidence.

I came here to say this, and also to say please do not change yourself because of awful men. Don't let them win and control you.

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u/HootieRocker59 Oct 02 '22

Got it: don't repel them ... terrify them.

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u/BornVolcano Gay Wizard of the DID System ☉♂️ Oct 02 '22

As it should be

Can speak from experience, it’s very effective. Our abuser actually doesn’t want to be anywhere close to us anymore, she feels “threatened”, and we haven’t laid a finger on her nor have we been outright hateful or aggressive to her (but she was to us)

Just firm, assertive, confident, and intimidating.

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u/Competitive-Self6482 Oct 02 '22

Oooooh good answer!!!

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u/Left_Debt_8770 Oct 02 '22

YES. This is exactly it. The most important thing you can wear is a confident attitude, and the most important message you can channel to them is that you don’t suffer disrespectful fools.

No clothing will do this. I’ve tried for over 40 years. Only the energy you project has any chance of protecting you.

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u/Interesting-Long-534 Oct 02 '22 Gold

This is a small thing but be willing to return the snarkiness. For example a misogynist decided I needed a cutesy nickname when I was in my early 20 at my first job. I was/am a scientist- we all were so we should have been professionals. He had labeled the other two young women Kitty and Bunny and thought it was hilarious. The other women played along. I told him I was fine with whatever nickname he picked for me as long as I could give him one... Shorty or Baldy. He didn't think the game was fun anymore. The look on his face was priceless. He was shocked that I didn't play by his rules. I was always addressed by my name at least to my face. Another time I received an obscene phone call. The a$$ asked me what my fantasy was. I told him castration. Once again I didn't play by their rules. Doesn't matter. I shut them down.

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u/crazycatqueer5 Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

you’re amazing, these responses are the best!

I try to wear this vibe’s post on my face and how I carry myself out in the world, a “dont fuck with me or I’ll tell you abt yourself” vibe and it certainly has helped avoid unwanted attention.

it certainly helps if you can use your wit and smarts to beat them at their own game, take a pause and then respond in a clapback moment and walk off

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u/Interesting-Long-534 Oct 02 '22

These are a couple of my spectacular moments when the come backs fell into my mouth. Most of the time the perfect comebacks are too late. But you are right, Attitude is everything. Resting b!+ch face , don't f☆ck with me, whatever it takes. Be strong!

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u/Conscious-Charity915 Oct 02 '22

Yeah, that "going along" stuff only encourages them. They actually believe their own bullshit.

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u/surleighlaura Oct 01 '22 Silver

Have the look of power in ur eyes. They hate that.

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u/Redirxela Oct 02 '22

Yes and confrontation. Men specifically target women who seem like they’d be polite and not make a scene. So make a scene and keep aggressive eye contact

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u/blumoon138 Oct 02 '22

Yep! Years of living in cities has given me “moving bitch face” designed to say “don’t talk to me don’t engage with me I have no energy for your bullshit.” I can put it up or drop it at will, depending on the situation. It’s SOOOO useful.

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u/theicecreamassassin Oct 02 '22

When I am alone and don’t want to be fucked with, I just think of myself as a snake. Tight jaw, thin lips, and a look in my eyes that says “I am venomous and ready to strike at any given moment.” I call it my Lisbeth Salander vibe. It’s served me well!

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u/cowculating_ Oct 02 '22 Take My Energy Vibing

I do a "death stare", I have bright blue eyebags so I just look like a zombie, including my resting bitch face and me dissociating.. works wonders :D

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u/Fresa22 Oct 02 '22

Take if from me.

I was harassed when I was young and hourglass because they thought they had a right to me now I'm old and much less hourglass and they harass me because I dare to exist when I don't please their eyes.

Do you and be safe.

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u/babbittybabbitt Oct 01 '22

Tbh nasty men will always say shit, so I'd say just present yourself in a way that you are comfortable with. Imo, there is no way to present yourself that will protect you or prevent bullshit, so just dress/have your hair, nails, etc. the way you actually like them.

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u/principalbimbo Oct 01 '22

If you’re changing appearance to stop men, you’re still doing it for men instead of for you. And they’ll still say sh*t—sad but true for all of us that have tried.

Instead wear what you want, ignore them, and think of all the great people letting you be you instead! Or think of sassy (safe) comebacks. I’m sure plenty of ppl in this group have some good ones! :)

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u/Revolutionary-Boss77 Oct 01 '22

What is your favorite sassy comeback ?

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u/foxtail_barley Oct 02 '22

Years ago, I had a drop-dead gorgeous woman friend who had long, shining blonde hair and drove a sleek white Jaguar. She got catcalled at every stoplight. Her solution was to look the asshole du jour in the eye, and pick her nose. Shut them up every single time.

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u/duckerkeen Oct 02 '22

Doing this once I get my jaguar

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u/ready_gi Oct 02 '22

this is so iconic

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u/Conscious-Charity915 Oct 02 '22

I've heard that works to turn off a would-be molester.

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u/stupid_username69420 Oct 02 '22

I used to get a lot of comments and legit just started acting as if men don’t exist when I’m about my business. Zero eye contact, zero notice. If someone says something I behave like we are in parallel universes where I can’t hear or see them and just keep on walking. Eventually they shut up. Of course this strategy doesn’t work if things escalate. Sometimes a swift kick to the balls is necessary.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with the bullshit… Trust me and the others saying it doesn’t matter how you dress. If you dress frumpy you’ll start hearing things like “you could be so pretty if you blah blah blah” or “you would look good if you blah blah blah.” It legit doesn’t matter what you do.

Going about my business like a stone cold bitch who doesn’t even notice men has gotten me the best results. I mean really it’s not even acting lol! A part of me really feels that way about men after all the shit I’ve had to deal with. Getting older helps a bit too but you can’t rush that process unfortunately

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u/dezdinova08 Oct 02 '22

To people who comment on my shirt hair or tattoos saying I'd look better without them : "That's exactly why I have them. I don't want to attract the kind of people who want to control other people's bodies, so I deliberately disfigured myself." A few have kept going after that thinking I was joking, and I've explained, no, really, I will never be in a romantic relationship with anyone, but especially not with a random dude who thinks they can tell me what to do with my body. They tend to get existentially freaked out at that point and disengage.

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u/dancegoddess1971 Oct 02 '22

Thank you for your feedback. I'll give all the consideration it deserves.

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u/AZBreezy Oct 02 '22

Lolllll I love this. If people were still hitting on me I'd definitely use it. Prob not safe to use in the workplace unless I don't want to work there anymore. I'll definitely be thinking it in my head though

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u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22 edited Oct 13 '22

[deleted]

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u/DooBeeDoer207 Oct 02 '22

Hilarious. I dunno if I could pull it off, but I’m putting this in my pocket.

7

u/april203 Oct 02 '22

I love this and the mental image it gave me so much 😂

23

u/Bathsheba_E Oct 02 '22

Yell "Leave me alone, pervert!" while pointing at him.

63

u/kittykalista Literary Witch ♀ Oct 02 '22

“Smile!”

“Sorry, I don’t think clowns are funny.”

68

u/SoOverYouAll Oct 02 '22

My daughter inherited my RBF, and in a grocery store and 40 something man told my 20 yo daughter to smile. She glared and him and “No” forcefully. He looked a little scared, and I couldn’t stop laughing.

35

u/DooBeeDoer207 Oct 02 '22

Please give her a rock solid high five from me.

20

u/crystalfairie Oct 02 '22

Fuck off! But I live in the poorer part of my city. Or just one raised eyebrow and then ignoring them. They crave attention don't give it to them

61

u/durandal64 Oct 02 '22

"This free advice is worth about as much as I paid for it."

21

u/Bathsheba_E Oct 02 '22

That made me laugh out loud! I'd love to say that to a man but I'd never get through it for laughing so hard.

18

u/Fink665 Oct 02 '22

No one cares what you think.

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u/Ironoclast Oct 02 '22

“Wow, you’re really desperate enough to say such a thing in public, eh?”

Alternatively (depending on relative size/confidence/lack of fucks to give) you can go full creep back on them. This video (skip to 1:03) has an example.

Actually the whole video is gold (is it scripted? I don’t know, I don’t really care, it’s still funny.)

16

u/PrincessPnyButtercup Oct 02 '22

I have pepper spray AND a stun baton...I've always wanted to try them out 😈

13

u/TheDickDuchess Oct 02 '22

If they say something like "they like natural makeup better" just say "okay, then wear that then."

9

u/Crystal_Dawn Oct 02 '22

The best is to just ignore them. Don't look, don't give any attention to them, just go about your day if you can. You don't owe them *anything* not any response.

4

u/BeckyDaTechie anti-racist Norse Kitchen Witch ♀ Oct 02 '22

Adopt Wednesday Addams' deadpan delivery: "Has that ever actually gotten you anything better than laughed at?"

Or, depending on their age, "You're clearly supposed to be too old for that kind of childishness."

I'll often also hear "Oh, if only I was 10 years younger!" and one day just shot back with a disbelieving, "Only 10?"

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u/SgtMajor-Issues Oct 01 '22

While i understand this sentiment, i'm wary of encouraging it because it aligns with the thinking that the behavior of shitty men is in any way shape or form a reflection of what women look like. It isn't. Women get harassed no matter what they look like. They get harassed as children and when they are old, wearing revealing clothing and in nun outfits.

I think you should wear what you want and what makes you happy. Don't alter your looks one iota as a result of harassment. Men won't change their behavior either way.

45

u/LaptopCoffee Eclectic Witch ☉⚧ Oct 01 '22

Blue (or other Fun Colors) hair?

Not sure, asshats will asshat no matter what you wear.

I frequently get called Sir until I speak, and have intentionally played up the masc look (also, guy clothes are comfy, durable, and have bigger pockets). I'm older & my hair is 75% silver, so undercut to show silver sides and was blue/purple on top until I got a job in the plumbing industry earlier this year. I'm waiting until I've been there longer before asking if I can go back to blue on top.

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u/moschocolate1 Oct 02 '22

Armpit and leg hair

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u/k_chelle13 Oct 02 '22

This!!! Visible body hair is great! Especially leg and armpit hair :) although it doesn’t necessarily stop comments from them, it definitely feels like it tells me a lot about a person on how they respond to my body hair.

14

u/SNAiLtrademark Oct 02 '22

They'll just say mean shit instead of sexual shit. The best advice is do just dress to be yourself

28

u/moschocolate1 Oct 02 '22

And why are they attracted to adolescent bodies?

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u/DooBeeDoer207 Oct 02 '22

Pre-pubescent*

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u/Midnight-writer-B Oct 02 '22

Yes, this exactly. Sporting leg hair was such a cool instant filter. You could tell so much about someone when they 1. Noticed, 2. Cared, 3. Said something.

8

u/drl13 Oct 02 '22

Yup any body hair! I was going to suggest growing a mustache lol.

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u/Vorpal_Bunny19 Geek Witch ♀ Oct 02 '22

I’m an overweight, middle aged white woman who dresses in Old Navy and whatever randomness I buy at Costco. Once I figure out the magic uniform that gets those jerks to keep their thoughts to themselves I’ll be sure to let the group know.

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u/GenericWoman12345 Oct 02 '22

I hear a lot of more conservative men bitching about wild hair colors and tattoos. But I've also seen misogynistic comments from alt guys who like tattoos on women so I'm at a loss.

Edit: I've seen a lot of hate towards "Liberal, blue haired, tatted, fat chicks" i constantly see complaints on this type of woman so something about it irks them.

12

u/theicecreamassassin Oct 02 '22

It’s like “how dare you not attempt to be natural, beautiful, flawless, and skinny for my pleasure?!?”

4

u/Conscious-Charity915 Oct 02 '22

They get upset because women no longer want to dress like a fool to please them. They honest to god believe we were put here to be at their service.

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u/OfLiliesAndRemains Oct 01 '22

I think I read somewhere that men generally find septum piercings very unattractive. Another thing they tend to not like is women in fitted business suits. lesbians will literally fall over each other to get your attention when you do both though

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u/Revolutionary-Boss77 Oct 01 '22

Hahaha maybe I should do that I don’t mind attracting some lesbians :)

47

u/OfLiliesAndRemains Oct 01 '22

Suits especially are a very fascinating dynamic. The reason men don't like it is because fitted suits are strongly associated with authority. A man in a suit basically gets treated like a king everywhere they go. Back when I was still presenting male I was fascinated by this. The first suit I got was when I was seventeen, and when I wore it I immediately saw the difference in how people treated me. I was still in high school, and teachers that didn't have me in their class would greet me with sir and treat me as equals in the hallways. It's insane what difference it makes. And that was with an ill fitting thrift store suit. A fitted suit works even better.

The reason why men don't like it when women do it, is because the respect is given to the suit, not the person in it. I was a goth. very clearly so. I had dyed black hair, wore black nail polish, wore army boots, etc. but the suit commanded respect. because it is about the symbols of power. If I wouldn't constantly get misgendered I would still wear them today. It's great fun to see men begrudgingly perform respect because in their eyes, your cloths put you higher in the social hierarchy then they are.

Fair warning though, some men absolutely do love women in suits and it will not be a foolproof way of scaring off the creeps. But the worst sexists tend to also be the people most obsessed with status symbols.

9

u/Conscious-Charity915 Oct 02 '22

What if suddenly all women wore suits with a tie, belt and flat-heel oxfords? That would be a death knell for the power suit.

5

u/OfLiliesAndRemains Oct 02 '22

Hilarious. The best kind of cultural appropriation.

4

u/theicecreamassassin Oct 02 '22

Dammit, I knew I should have kept my septum ring!! But it was crooked and that drove me crazy!

28

u/Ok_Sector_960 Oct 01 '22

Be confident. Walk with your head and shoulders up. Don't make yourself small. Speak from your chest. Nothing besides that matters. Nothing you wear or do to your body will prevent a man from bothering you.

20

u/leafyrebecca Oct 02 '22

Grow older. Eventually you become invisible to that type of man.

10

u/Triffffid Oct 02 '22

Absolutely. I’ve been approached by random men and have had them make comments about my body since I was about 10/11 years old.

Now I’m in my 40’s, overweight, and rocking a pixie cut and RBF, I’m practically invisible to all (should I use my power of invisibility for good or for evil?)

I’ve got to say, being invisible, especially to men is HEAVEN. Don’t get me wrong, I never allow myself to be complacent about my surroundings and know how to protect myself, but not being catcalled, followed or groped is bliss.

OP, these men want the power trip, don’t give them the satisfaction of changing yourself to be able to safely exist in the same space as them.

19

u/AZBreezy Oct 02 '22

Pixie hair cuts! Lol. The number of comments I stopped getting from sleezy men hitting on me was well worth the awkward growing-out phase later. No Dude BroTM wants to risk hitting on a lesbian and getting shut down. (Lesbos...amirite?)

Although there was an increase in the number of comments I'd get from obviously sexist guys about how it doesn't conform to female beauty standards. How no man would find me attractive without long hair. I'm like, And...? My favorite comment from the Boomer generation of sexist men was "Does your mother know what you've done to your hair??" He was aghast. Lots of boomers had opinions about my pixie but not one tried to hit on me ✌️

Overall I'd highly endorse it

45

u/Scareyourfamily Oct 01 '22

Why can’t you just be you, and still call them out on their bullshit? I understand why you think this is smart, but hey, I am beautiful, stunning actually (that is humor), and I get catcalled and whistled at and they pull over to try to offer rides when I walk. I even had one almost try to force me into his car, the knife in my bra definitely came out with that one. But fuck them, don’t let their stupidity dictate how you look. Even if it is to dissuade them. Be however you would want to be as if there was no issue here, be beautiful if you want to be, naturally you. Because you know what? I am who I am, and the thought to dissuade misogynists never enters my head, but calling them out still absolutely does. And I do it, and I look fabulous while I do it. And you know, it’s almost like salt in a wound when I get to see the look on their face go from extremely interested, to freaked the fuck out. Because I’m exactly what they want, what they think they can get, and that makes it that much sweeter to tell them to go fuck themselves. Just a thought…sorry you have been through some shit, but I would feel terrible changing my entire look just for some idiot men, I don’t even change anything for the decent kinds of men. 🙄

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u/[deleted] Oct 02 '22

Sometimes it’s scary telling them to fuck off, especially if OP lives in a country where women are considered less than men or there is legal/religious repercussions for standing up for oneself :(

21

u/jeffroddit Oct 02 '22

That's certainly true, but as Fredrick Douglas said, "Power does not fuck off without a demand."

24

u/DooBeeDoer207 Oct 02 '22

For anyone doing a double take, the actual quotation is, “Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will." -Frederick Douglass, 1857.

11

u/BeckyDaTechie anti-racist Norse Kitchen Witch ♀ Oct 02 '22

/u/jeffroddit was giving us Mr. Fredrick Douglas as played by Mr. Samuel L. Jackson.

5

u/Admirable-Course9775 Oct 02 '22

Wow! I really like that! Thanks

39

u/Revolutionary-Boss77 Oct 01 '22

Thanks sister . I will look the way I like and call them out while I look fabulous 🖤

45

u/Apprehensive-Ad4244 Oct 01 '22

Shave your head! I swear it changed my life.

21

u/DooBeeDoer207 Oct 02 '22

Don’t do this for them. But if you’ve ever wanted to do it for yourself, DO IT. It felt amazing and I will absolutely do it again.

9

u/dickens-nz Oct 02 '22

This, but also be prepared for it not to deter men as much as you’d hope hahah. In saying that, shaving my head is one of the best decisions of my life for enhancing my sense of self. It’s nice to break from the expectation of having long hair in the patriarchy

14

u/FlartyMcFlarstein Resting Witch Face Oct 02 '22

Never, ever, ever change yourself to contort around the ugliness of others.

14

u/LoveAndProse Literary Witch ♂️ Oct 02 '22

it's not what you wear, because it's not you.

take this with a grain of salt because it's not the safest, but when I'm out with my sisters and there's a pig they cut them off and say "sorry I don't have any change" and keep walking.

the look on their face is gold, but the wrong creep and I can see it being an issue.

13

u/fking_autocorrect Oct 02 '22

I've heard there are 3 man-repellant shoe brands... Stocks, crocs, and Docs.

10

u/Sheena_asd12 Oct 02 '22

I’ve found that my demonia boots can sometimes be intimidating (to my amusement)

12

u/LifeISbeautiful75 Oct 01 '22

Laugh/sob gawd it doesn’t matter what you do. Like it seems most don’t like tattoos but that doesn’t get them to stop harassing you. I had one tell me I’d be pretty if I didn’t ruin myself like this (waving at my tattooed arms). Dude, do you really think I care what you think?!

They feel they have the right to say what they want to any woman because we’re ‘less than’ them - like little kids, good behaviour (I don’t know, like NOT having tattoos) should be complimented (with their attention, lucky you!) and poor behaviour (RUINING your skin with ink) needs to be reprimanded because apparently I’m not bright enough to know that no man will want me like this (well, other than the one I’m happily married with 🤔).

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u/MadamePouleMontreal Oct 01 '22

Butch.

Shave your head. Wear work boots,
baggy pants, a sturdy belt, a sports bra. Keep your wallet on one pocket, your keys in the other secured to a chain on your belt.

Be physically fit, stand tall, maintain situational awareness.

10

u/daddakamabb1 Oct 02 '22

I do this but I got fat instead. This wasn't to deter men, it was a mix of genetics and having to become extremely independent with 2 children and zero help. I can still dress up with the best of yall gorgeous women, but from day to day, I wear old clothes with stains, the most comfortable pants with paint splatter, zero product in my hair and no makeup. Why dress up when you're going to get some substance smeared on your clothes just for you to shower again later in the day. I work from home so, I do what I want lol

10

u/cobaltandchrome Oct 01 '22

Sorry girl it doesn’t matter if you’re an innocent child, angry punk, or fat old woman, or picture-perfect Fox News anchor, or anything, you’ll still get nasty comments about your appearance.

9

u/prismaticcroissant Sapphic Witch ♀ Oct 01 '22

I agree with the do what you want crowd. But for me, I have a curly faux hawk. Not a single man has complimented it. I also have purple on the underside.

I really don't do anything specific besides try and project super gay vibes. Not sure if that is working or if it is because I am bigger, but it has been ages since a man besides my partner has complimented me.

34

u/minty_cilantro Oct 01 '22

There are always going to be men that have a nasty comment no matter what you look like. If they find you attractive they'll harass you, if they find you unattractive they'll harass you for other reasons.

The best thing you can do is dress and style yourself the way you want, learn how to shut men down better, and not care what they think. Easier said than done, of course.

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u/TipsyBaker_ Oct 02 '22

No changes in clothing or appearance is going to work.

What does tend work better is acting like you own the place, wherever that happens to be. Head high, shoulders square, charge ahead. Use your walk to make it clear they better move because you'll move entire mountains out of spite before you move over for his insignificant self.

Get yourself a good "you'd be lucky to be the dirt beneath my boot" stare. A simple raise of the eyebrow that makes it clear exactly what kind of dumbass you know them to be.

This type of guy can't handle a confident woman who can barely be bothered to acknowledge his existence. It makes their brain hurt.

8

u/MoonMoonMoon420 Oct 02 '22

Op, I’m sorry but nothing I say will help you. Any of them can like anything, some of them even fetishize things other HATE. Every one of those pigs like a different thing, some like fat and others thin, some like white others like black, and the list goes on. My advice is: Do whatever the fck you want. They are commenting? Call them out on it. Tell them to fck off.

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u/v15a Oct 02 '22

Dress how you want, when you want no matter the season

Gross guys, will always be around and always think that they have the right to comment on someone's looks, while they themselves look and smell like week old bacon grease

Keep dressing the way you want or the patriarchy wins, screw people, clothes last longer then people's opinions

7

u/Competitive-Self6482 Oct 02 '22

My hand tattoos (they are Indigenous and very, very culturally meaningful).

Hands down the best way to keep weirdos away because they either

1) steer clear of me 2) out themselves quickly with their opinions on my body

Either way, makes my life easier.

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u/Super_delicious Resting Witch Face Oct 02 '22

While I don't specifically dress to avoid men's advances I do very much enjoy that my fashion choices hide me from the male gaze. And once hidden men don't know what to do. Most of the time they just avoid eye contact. I don't get hit on or cat called. I love twirly dresses and skirts so I mostly wear strega fashion or history bounding. Victorian walking skirts are some of my favorites. I mainly dress how I want and don't really follow any trends. Some days it's just comfy skirts others it's a full victorian outfit. I have a lot of fun with it.

Once out of the male gaze it's amazing how much better you feel. And how intense that gaze is. You realize the things you didn't like about yourself were really just societies projections. It's very freeing to dress for yourself.

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u/Sheena_asd12 Oct 02 '22

Floor length lace skirt and all?!?

5

u/Super_delicious Resting Witch Face Oct 02 '22

Not yet but I want to do a lacey wrap skirt with ruffles. I do have several floor length skirts. Some tiered some victorian. I love them all. The swish when you walk is just amazing. The fuller the skirt the better. But I do have a floor length beaded skirt that I wear often.

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u/performanceclause Oct 01 '22

I think your walk and expression on your face tells them to keep away

5

u/KittyKittyMeeeeoooow Oct 02 '22

It’s a huge dose of this.

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u/LilMissMoxi Oct 02 '22

Don't change who you are, or what your style is because of some misogynistic assholes. Embrace your style, flaunt your style, grow your style.

6

u/Representative-Low23 Oct 02 '22

It doesn’t work like that. Some men are just gross. It doesn’t matter what you look like or how you dress. Your existence as a woman means that to them they have the right and duty to lear at, comment on and grope for you. You can be short, fat, tall, skinny, ugly, beautiful, young or old and some men think that because you’re a woman you owe them the acknowledgment of their attraction.

5

u/merrnine Oct 02 '22

Mate they'll just make other gross comments. The oxygen thieves you're trying to impress/circumvent, by definition can't be either impressed or circumvented. Do yourself a favour and be who you are. Don't reinvent yourself for a reason like this if you're happy otherwise, just learn to ignore their crap because it's not worth the time and consideration you're giving it.

6

u/Godless_Elf Oct 02 '22

Seconding what everyone is saying, but adding a bit--they hate confidence. Don't change for them, but DO change for yourself. Get that edgy tattoo you've always wanted. Dye your hair colors that your ex-pastor would frown at. Show enough skin to make your maiden aunt swoon. Those things that you've always wanted to do, the way you've always wanted to look? Do that. They'll hate it. (It's historical clothing for me, btw. Somehow, despite talking about how they want a tradwife, they never went for me in my full hoopskirts and Gibson girl hair (back when I identified as female). Being yourself oozes confidence, and that stuff is jerk repellant.)

6

u/Chrysalis_artist Oct 02 '22

It doesn’t matter what you wear, how you dress, or wear your hair, many males will feel entitled to tell you their opinion anyway.

A few months ago - me middle aged, brown bob style hair cut, navy shirt dress and flats, deliberately slightly dumpy - just walking out of a super market some random male tells me I look ‘stuck up’, I told him he looked irrelevant.

About a year ago, hair in messy pigtails and wearing baggy jumper and jeans, some guy in a store tugs one of my pigtails and tells me I’m a cute little girl (remember I’m middle aged).

When I was young and slim with waist length blonde hair I was told I was ugly (had also done a little bit of modelling), a bean pole, a wash board, too fat …

Dress for you, wear and colour and style your hair for you, do what makes you comfortable and happy and everyone else can go jump.

6

u/Ironoclast Oct 02 '22

I find being fat (well, overweight), 40+ and (on the way to) jacked helps…also being taller than most of them. While I am firmly in the “mother” phase of the continuum and looking forward to crone-hood, I’m also kind of sad that I’ve passed into relative invisibility. I have the confidence to pull off some of the crazier clap backs now and I don’t get to!

So I will lend my energy to my ”maiden” sisters here. May it veil you from harm.

6

u/sora-koton-no Oct 02 '22

Be dark looking not “gothic mommy” type more like “if you touch me you’ll literally get burned”

5

u/katie-shmatie Oct 02 '22

I have a very short hairstyle and it doesn't stop misogynists sadly. They'll always find something to say

6

u/NotAMermaid27 Oct 02 '22

Well from what I hear they hate common sense.

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u/ReflectionRough2960 Oct 02 '22

After my husband died a year ago, a bunch of dudes started hitting on me-like dudes who knew him and everything. I didn't like that. I always wanted to try cutting my hair short, but my husband wasn't attracted to short hair. After he died, I got a pixie cut... I also got some piercings and a tattoo, which I think he would have liked, but I just never got around to getting. They pretended to like the hair at first, but they stopped hitting on me instantly. However, I've noticed that the incel types do act hostile towards me now, which has never been the case before I cut my hair, so that's weird... I've heard dying your hair an unnatural color is seen as conventionally not attractive as well. I wouldn't recommend intentionally changing your weight to a less healthy size. I struggle with that and it's totally not worth it. Nor is it worth the health risks. You could also stop shaving and plucking.

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u/boynamedsue8 Oct 02 '22

Misogynists hate self care. So the more you love, respect and honor yourself the more you ward off the evil asshats.

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u/emzeeree Oct 02 '22

Armpit hair. There is nothing quite like the feeling of power when a man is bothering you and you raise your arm to casually show off your underarm hair. They lose all interest and are embarrassed they hit in you in the first place. Men that can’t deal with body hair are all misogynists.

5

u/skymoods Oct 02 '22

honestly, to me, this reads as victim blaming

6

u/Runemist34 Oct 02 '22

I came across a quote, but I’m not sure who said it:

“It’s not you who attract these people. They aren’t picky, they’ll go for anyone.” It was in relation to abusers, but I still think it fits.

If you change your appearance to what they don’t like, you’ll hear about it from them. If you have something they do like, you’ll hear about that, too. It’s not about you, it’s about how powerful and audacious they feel, how they think their opinion should be heard, deserves to be heard, and no one would ever think to question that, so asking for their opinion is unnecessary.

Dress for you. Do what makes you feel good. I like wearing low cut tops, makeup, and having long hair. They don’t like the response they get from me when they tell me their opinions about those things.

Make them suffer for their assumptions if you have the energy. If you don’t, ignore them completely, because that will still irk them.

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u/jackzander Oct 02 '22

I second all the comments ensuring you that no outfit will protect you from every dumbass with something stupid to say. But, you asked for outfit ideas, so--

Mohawk, muscle shirt, muscles, combat boots, old brown carpenter jeans with a chew can imprint on the ass pocket, and a brick in your hand.

That'll take care of like 99% of men.

6

u/msmizpbj Oct 02 '22

I wear crocs everyday with snarky T-shirts and it doesn’t matter. They think they have a right to you because they’re garbage human beings and, if we can get women to stop procreating with this sort, they will hopefully die off altogether so our daughters’ daughters won’t have to worry about shit like this. Until then, a middle finger looks great with any attire.

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u/Sheena_asd12 Oct 02 '22

My middle finger even goes with my lace/bustle skirts and any of my corsets/bustles… and I even had a guy hit on me at the mall once. he took off as soon as I mentioned that I’m autistic… his loss.

4

u/Muddymireface Oct 02 '22

Dress how you want. Misogyny hates women, doesn’t matter what you look like.

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u/pertain2u Oct 02 '22

Confidence with a solid dose of resting b face. Has kept a those douches away for decades.

4

u/bishesbebishes Oct 02 '22

Yep. Tried this. Went short hair and face piercings...just got worse.

5

u/Honest_Dark_5218 Oct 02 '22

It’s more about power than looks. Some guys choose to exert power over others, often women, to make themselves feel powerful. But underneath it all they’re just week little ass holes.

It sounds like you may be feeling unsafe. I don’t know what you’re going through but I’m so sorry anyone has made you feel unsafe. It’s not perfect, because we are never responsible for other people’s actions, but when I’m walking down the street and feel scared, I turn that fear into anger. I tell myself “no one better mess with me, the audacity of messing with me! A mother fucking witch!” The swearing is an important part for me.

You said you want to look like the kind of woman who would call men out on their bullshit. What does that kind of woman look like to you? What do you think you could wear or carry with you or a mantra you could repeat to yourself that would make you feel like you ARE that kind of woman. Their perception of you doesn’t matter as much as how you feel. What would make you feel strong and powerful?

Also it’s okay to be scared, it’s okay to not be strong. And you are never responsible for other people’s actions! Men have the ability to make choices. It’s never our fault when someone chooses to not have self control. It’s okay to ask for help too, whatever you’re dealing with, you are so not alone!

4

u/OdeeSS Oct 02 '22

Wear makeup. Don't wear makeup.

Shave your legs. Grow you leg hair out.

Wear dresses. Wear pants.

Cut your hair. Grow it long.

Dye your hair. Rock your natural hair color.

Get a manicure. Don't manicure your nails.

Show off skin. Cover up.

Wear tightly fitted clothing. Wear something loose and flowy.

It doesn't matter. They'll hate anything women do.

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u/DidjTerminator Science Witch ♂️ Oct 01 '22

Honestly, the only girls that they dont fetishise are rugby girls, and although the slightly chubby girls (where you're not fat but got a gut, basically the mom-bod 5000) do get fewer cat-calls, they also get bullied and called fat a lot too.

It also depends on the country you're in too, so what I've seen might only apply to QLD in OZ.

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u/limonboy Oct 01 '22

I agree with the other answers but I’ll say when I would go for walks to the store by myself in the early evening pre covid, I usually changed into some non-trendy looser fitting pants, put on a big jacket and put my long hair in a hat to make my silhouette appear more masc and that helped obscure me a bit from dudes. I used to call it my “unkempt woman” cosplay ahaha.

These days I feel that wearing a mask in public seems to make me less visible to other people in general, but this could backfire depending on where you live and draw more attention to yourself from people who get really angry at anyone who acknowledges covid still exists lol

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u/ainjel Oct 02 '22

When someone tells me "You'd be a lot more attractive if _______" I like responding with "...and you'd be a lot more attractive if you could wipe that face off your head, but here we are" and shrug, while looking away, bored.

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u/spagyrum Oct 02 '22

Be your unapologetic self. There is not a damn thing we can do or wear that won't draw attention from certain oxygen thieves.

5

u/Time_Cap3395 Oct 02 '22

Claw nails as sharp as you can get them

5

u/farewellmybeloved Oct 02 '22

shave your head but nothing else. leg, armpit and bush hair like rivers....

5

u/SynnReborn Oct 02 '22

Blue seems to trigger them, or particularly in non traditional hair, make-up, or nail style.

Hence why I have talons for nails.

4

u/ArsenalSpider Oct 02 '22

I don't eat meat or dairy for health reasons. I can't tell you how many times men at the grocery store in my red state have looked in my cart, shook their heads and walked away. I think they take it as a sign I am a liberal, plus the mask. It's true, I am. But it doesn't take much.

The best answer above was the confidence comment. Even your grocery cart, wearing a mask, essentially unapologetically being you can repel. It's great.

5

u/Weirdout29 Oct 02 '22

They hate confidence most, but bright unnatural colors, buzzcuts, shaved half, Mohawks/ mullets are usually good to garuntee they’ll be disgusted by your appearance. Good thing, it’ll attract real feminists, witches, and queer people.

5

u/evvvelynnn Oct 02 '22

When I shaved my head (for my own enjoyment) men left me the hell alone. For like 2 years, no one cat called or followed me or approached me. Was so blissful.

3

u/Zebirdsandzebats Oct 02 '22

Confidence, definitely.

But...hear me out...is dressing in a way to repel misogynists all that different than dressing in a way to attract them? Is it healthy to let someone hateful dictate ANYTHING about your appearance? If you are consciously making choices about YOUR identity based on the feelings of giant assholes, are they still controlling you in ways you don't want?

5

u/dynamojess Oct 02 '22

Resting bitch face. If you get the "smile" comment, there are infinite comebacks including "no".

10

u/[deleted] Oct 01 '22 edited Oct 02 '22

Anything. Like literally anything.

Colored hair, tattoos and piercings immediately come to mind. ESPECIALLY colored hair. Chokers. They'll hate you if you're too fat, or if you're too skinny. If you're voluptuous, everything you wear is provocative. They'll criticize you for being seductive if you dress feminine, shame you for dressing masculine. They'll say you "cake on your makeup" even if it's just eyeliner & lipstick, but then tell you that you look sick and tired without it. Any band tee will be met with an interrogation, sweatpants met with disapproval.

And yet they will still comment on your body and looks. You are going to "lose" either way so you may as well wear what you want. Dont let them trap you in a box. Be yourself, and be proud you have the power to get so many people talking just by being there.

9

u/Death-in-my-head Oct 02 '22

Evidentially,.most white men (in my experience) hate when I have short hair. Guy threatened to leave me all because I cut my fuckin hair.

3

u/AnalogousToad Oct 01 '22

wear goggles on your head like the main character in old games or anime, and pack some bear spray or pepper spray, anytime an ahole is being an ahole, just pull your goggles down and spray it into the air around you

3

u/Far_Bumblebee_9300 Oct 02 '22

I pretty much did this. Changed my clothes to baggy attire, shaved my head, don't wear make up or if I did it was in a way to look aggressive to scare men off. It was a way to keep safe from men. And yeah I don't get hit on often but the harassment a woman receives for not falling into beauty standards or whatnot is pretty damn bad too. I get treated like I am subhuman, not worthy of taking up any space. Glared at, yelled at, threatened on a regular basis. And tbh, it is messing with my mental health. So like alot of people have said, I'm going to go back to dressing exactly how I want to cause I hate living my life based on men actions.