r/lotrmemes 9d ago Silver 4 Wholesome 1

Its just a Cough Lord of the Rings

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23.4k Upvotes

289

u/Darth_Kaladin 9d ago

WebMD: from your symptoms it is likely you have, a cold, a headache, pregnancy, cancer, or the plague.

95

u/SmartTransformingAce 8d ago

Or all four.

85

u/SmartTransformingAce 8d ago

Five. I can't count.

68

u/ShadowRazz 8d ago

Losing the ability to count is a symptom of 6th or 5th disease even stronger and deadlier than the rest

10

u/AlGoreBestGore 8d ago

The diseases will be back. And in greater numbers.

21

u/SAT0SHl 8d ago

COVID 20

2

u/Successful_Rip_4329 8d ago

Bo, it's four, cough doesn't count

1

u/ingez90 8d ago

-coughs in dyscalculie-

1

u/Successful_Rip_4329 8d ago

Is it a dare? Because I have some.

2

u/Background-Ball5978 8d ago

Starts singing I can only count to four

2

u/Schmotz 8d ago

Ah yes, of course. Colachenancergue...

20

u/Dumptruck_Johnson 8d ago

WebMD:

Symptom: soon the lights will flicker and the four horsemen of the apocalypse will trample you

Remedy: take acetaminophen after checking with your doctor

1

u/NotClever 8d ago

If symptoms progress, seek immediate medical attention.

2

u/usmcnick0311Sgt 8d ago

WebMD: You are the sickest man in the world. You have everything.

Me: pneumonia?

WebMD: yes

Me: juvenile diabetes?

WebMD: yes.

Me: hysterical pregnancy?

WebMD: uh, a little bit. Yes.

83

u/Clement_Yeobright 9d ago

Health anxiety is the worst!

2

u/groovy_attacker 8d ago

allergic rhinitis must be properly observed.

164

u/Bergonath 9d ago

Bing: You're already dead

46

u/leginnameloc 8d ago

Google and Elrond are both right. From the moment we are born our ultimate destiny is death. Galadriel would concur.

7

u/Shabozz 8d ago

Pregnancy Test: but there is also life. I see there is a child. I see your son.

3

u/Nico777 8d ago

And if you're not, here's some suggestions on how to do it yourself!

1

u/JennerKP 8d ago

Omae wa mou shindeiru

32

u/TopHatGorilla 9d ago

Google is technically correct.

13

u/freakers 8d ago edited 8d ago

Doctor: you're dying.

Me: What? How long do I have to live?

Doctor: I can't be sure, but probably like 60 to 70 years if you keep exercising and staying healthy.

Me: but I thought you said I was dying.

Doctor: You are, were all dying all the time.

23

u/thejml2000 9d ago

“On a long enough timeline, everyone’s survival rate drops to zero.”

3

u/2000MrNiceGuy 8d ago

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

1

u/Mcompledepayas 8d ago

My tits gonna rot off

4

u/ApologeticAnalMagic 9d ago

Bing: Get out, you old Wight! Vanish in the sunlight! Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing, Out into the barren lands far beyond the mountains
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty! Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness, Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.

3

u/bankrobba 8d ago

Fun Fact: Before Obamacare forced health insurance companies to cover pre-existing conditions, they would search your medical history for coughing symptoms. If they found coughing on a date before you got health insurance, they would deny new breast cancer patients coverage since coughing is a symptom of breast cancer.

5

u/WisherWisp 9d ago

Aaaaand it's cancer.

6

u/BOB_BestOfBugs 9d ago

Omfg the last 4 posts ive seen here were all age old reposts

9

u/Anra7777 8d ago

Eh. I’m fairly new to the sub and I’m loving these.

0

u/FartsMusically 8d ago

Do you get a free prize if you get to 10?

2

u/nyxnars 9d ago

Do all the elves have prophetic powers?

3

u/Bergonath 9d ago

No.

2

u/nyxnars 9d ago

Was it just the 3 with rings?

8

u/SinopicCynic 9d ago

9

u/nyxnars 9d ago

Thank you for sharing without scolding me! I love Tolkien lore

6

u/WisherWisp 9d ago

P.S. for shame!

3

u/SinopicCynic 8d ago

There are elitist jerks in every “club”, pay them no mind. They seek to be exclusive, not inclusive.

Middle-Earth is big enough for all, and sharing it with newcomers is one of the best parts about the fandom.

2

u/usedToBeUnhappy 9d ago

To be fair: dearth is a part of every mortally living creatures future.

2

u/MrNoobname 8d ago

But also life

3

u/GoodHumanBeingDotOrg 8d ago

I think the big issue is almost always user error. The more time a person spends around medical professionals, the more they realize they are just like every other group of people, the vast majority are complete fucking idiots.

1

u/ClosedActress65 9d ago

Google is always correct.

1

u/Hamatoyoshi99 9d ago

Well done

1

u/ILoveEnglish23 8d ago

It's either some sort of cancer, an autoimmune disease or multiple sclerosis, so yeah, you're done! :D Haha, from a simple cough to that! Same goes for symptom checker sites!

1

u/OwMyThumbz 8d ago

WWW.AskJeeves.com.co.uk.com.google.com

1

u/a_r3dditer 8d ago

But there's also life

1

u/Rish_m 8d ago

Summon the malady bearer...

1

u/i_am_thehighground 8d ago

You mean bing

1

u/drastic3636 8d ago

So true everyone is a DR

1

u/GrinkOf 8d ago

Well.. technically he's right

1

u/Routine-Pen8116 8d ago

webMD: best I can do is cancer

1

u/LokiM4 8d ago

Beware the WebMD!

1

u/hondanaut 8d ago

My skin was getting burned/red by working in a pool for too long and webmd said it was either irritation/mild rash or an incurable rare disease that would kill me in a few years.

1

u/Malidan 8d ago

ElronMD has spoken.

1

u/MaxGolant Human 8d ago

i mean yes, im gonna die somewhen anyways

1

u/mrwhiskey1814 8d ago

Just kidding, you're pregnant.

But you're also going to die.

1

u/Icepick823 8d ago

There was an episode of House where one of the side plot characters just had a cough, and it turned out she had small cell lung cancer and would be dead in 6 months. And as we all know, House is a 100% medically accurate show, so if you ever have a cough, better start planning your funeral.

1

u/spookygoops 8d ago

yeah. i thought i had allergies after i developed a bad cough a couple weeks ago.

nope, it was covid. i woke up the next morning and it felt like i was still dreaming.

1

u/KiyomanoX 8d ago

Google does scare the fuck out of me with the worst possible scenarios to problems I look up.

1

u/MaimedPhoenix 8d ago

The quote "But you also saw life" works for those who look more into it, quite sure (rightfully so) that it really is just a cough.

1

u/kensho28 8d ago

Never take medical advice from an immortal.

1

u/donotgogenlty 8d ago

Google do be having zero chill sometimes

Like yo easy, I have a paper cut... Why are the ad's only custom coffin upholstery now???

Straight up gaslighting sometimes lol

1

u/Aenerion33 8d ago

Oh boy, tell me about it... my mother and aunt assumes Google is a more reliable source than medics (that have just been paid a small fortune). What is the goddamn point of going through exams and consultations to begin with? My aunt is a psychologist and she still didn't took the second dose of the Covid vaccination, it's unbelievable, this kind of anti-science shit revolts me

1

u/free_based_potato 8d ago

My arm started to throb the other day and long story short it turned out to be cancer. Thankfully I went to my doctor and found out it's tennis elbow.

1

u/TheBelhade 8d ago

How far into the future, Elrond? You're like ten thousand years old yourself.

1

u/beeredsailor 8d ago

well... technically, google is correct, we are all gonna die some day.

1

u/Andrei267 8d ago

never search health problems on the internet will only make u think u gonna die next minute

1

u/Adratos294 Dúnedain 8d ago

Oh my grond thats me sometimes

1

u/Rushes_End 8d ago

you definitely dead bro

1

u/Professional_You3240 8d ago

Google is always right!!!